Angel's Secret ✔️

[TWENTY-NINE]

•AVIANA•

Insomnia.

Claustrophobic.

Depression.

Suicidal thoughts.

Messed up.

I was sooo messed up in many ways.  I was a broken toy.  Used goods.  How would Angel even keep liking me knowing how useless I was? I couldn't even bare to look at him as we walked out the doctor's office. 

Humiliated to the core and wishing to be somebody else, I wasn't in the mood to talk. I wasn't in the mood to do anything.

Idiot. After this, he'd never want you.

Whoever that voice was in my head was right.  What could Angel even find attractive? I was mentally damaged.  He deserved someone who was correct in the mind, and was pretty, and someone who didn't carry a baggage of trouble with her.  My hands were joined by a huge set of that belonged to Angel.

"Stop overthinking."

I nodded okay, biting my lip to keep it from wobbling.  I kept quiet which caused him stop walking and grab my face in his hands.  His face was unflinching as he gazed deeply into my eyes.  I swallowed a lump that gathered in my throat.

"Oh baby," he whispered impelling me into a hug.  I held his waist tightly letting myself cry in his arms.  I kept my face immersed in his chest, in need to be shielded away from the world. 

At the moment and time, I hated myself.

The yearn to be someone else tugged inside me.  I wanted to be better.  I wanted someone who was truly, genuinely, happy.  Someone who could stay happy.  Someone who didn't care about what could possibly happen the next day. 

I wanted to be someone he deserved and could give him the world.

But I wasn't.  And that bothered me.

"Listen to me, Aviana," he cupped my face again. "I don't care that you have depression, or insomnia or any of that shit.  You're so strong.  Soo fucking strong, sometimes I wonder how the hell you do it.  Please, please keep fighting."

I shook my head making more tears drizzle down my face. "I'm not strong.  I'm literally dying inside.  I'm home with my family and I'm still not genuinely happy.  Something's twisted with that!"

"Than I'll be strong for you. I'll be everything for you," he grinned cheekily but I couldn't. I attempted to turn away making him keep me in place. "Don't turn away from me. You need me... and I need you."

"You deserve more. So much more."

"I got what I deserved. And that's you."

I wiped away my tear and focused on him again. I guessed I had to be honest with him.

"I don't want to go home."

"We need to. At least to tell them what the doctor told us. It'll keep your parents off your back," he softly slid his hand down my arm and grabbed my hand again gradually placing it on his top left chest.

"You make my heart happy."

I gave him a small smile that I couldn't hold back. I grab his other free hand on put it on my chest.

"You make my heart happy. My brain just needs to catch up with the emotion."

He bends forward and lays a gentle kiss on my cheek. "It will. And I'll wait it."

I put an arm around his waist and continue walking. My mind was kind of at ease but thoughts still flew around like loose papers on a windy day. I tried my best to keep them quieted so I could hear my heart beating and give an effort to keep up with it.
*·*·*·*·*·*·*·*

Angel and I payed the taxi driver when we arrived at the corner of my parent's house.  One of the cars was parked letting me know that Mama or Papa was out.  But what had me sneaking into a shell was the mob of cameras, lights, and people huddled in the front door.

Angel pointed to a van with a frown that said "ABC NEWS."  I ran to my house only to have the mob now all looking at me before rushing to me.  I turned around and ran behind Angel who protectively stuck an arm out at them even though that barely worked.

"Don't touch her!" he yelled.

"AVIANA LAURENT! IS THAT REALLY YOU?!"

"OMG! HOW DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL REACT TO THIS?!"

"IS IT TRUE THAT YOU WERE NEVER MISSING IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"

Microphones were being shoved in my face and some even jabbing me a little.  Angel managed to smack one away.  I fisted the back of his shirt, avoiding the cameras that were aimed at my face.  We— thank the lords above— were able to squirm through and make it to the door where Angel made fast knocks.  Mama opened the door without hesitation.  Angel pranced in immediately.  I followed close behind.

We didn't get that far.  We were just standing at the front door breathing heavily until my view was on someone that I had missed with every fiber in my body.

"Kahli?" I asked breathlessly taking in the sight of her. She was clad in a marine-like dark green shirt with black leggings that gently hugged her skinny long legs. Her Afro was big as it always was, but the maturity and advance gorgeousness that her face displayed surprised me.

"In the flesh," Kahli grinned and jumped into my arms. 

I kept my arms tightly circulated around hers to the point where I thought I stopped the blood flow.  We pulled away to just gawked at each other before laughing.

"I hate you so much! You left me to die on my own during senior year!" she wailed still holding me.

"I hate you!! You let me get kidnapped!" I meant it to be playful, but Kahli stopped laughing and her face reversed to being rigidly frozen.  What I said kicked in.

"No, Kahli, I didn't—"

"I did. It's my fault."

Tears dwelled in her eyes and I shook my head no.  I wiped the sneaky ones that fell down her face.  I turned to Aislin who was standing behind me quietly.

"Do you still... can I have today with Kahli? Please?" I pleaded.  I knew Aislin wanted to go looking for apartments, but my best friend since I-could-remember was standing in front of me with tears acting like rivers.  And I wanted to go with Kahli that day.

Aislin's face deflated like a popped balloon, but she fixed her face and slapped on a smile.  She shook her head yes. 

"Are you sure?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "Yeah. Go catchup with your friend."

I quickly gave her a hug, and grabbed Kahli's hands.

"We'll be back!" I told my family and ran out the house.  I had forgotten that the news cast was still there so Kahli and went back inside and sneaked through the back.  We managed to escape from the hungry news cast and grabbed a taxi cab.

"Girl, so much... where do I even begin?" Kahli sighed in the taxi car where we sat in the back.

"Let's not even talk about me being kidnapped.  Tell me about you.  How have you been? Let's not worry about me yet.  I'm depressing."

She laughed softly and I'm glad she couldn't detect the truth behind the words.

"Okay, so...."
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A/N: Okay so before y'all go off on my girl, Aviana is a very sensitive character.  She's delicate and beyond sensitive so she will cry a lot.  And on top of that she's depressed. Yes I know that being depressed doesn't mean you cry a lot.  But in her case it does.  She's been through so much that tears speak louder than words for her. Just saying!!

And I'm sorry this chapter was uneventful and boring.  It's better than nothing.  Okay, bye y'all!!

-Mahawa 💋 🐳