Incubus

Chapter 7

Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them 

~George Eliot

It was two weeks later, and the funeral would be that coming Saturday on July twenty-sixth. I had taken that week off from work, so that I could attend the funeral with Emmalyn in Ireland and be her support system. We packed our bags and her family paid for both of our tickets over there, which I found insanely generous as the tickets per person were roughly one thousand dollars.

I had arrived at her doorstep, bags in hand, when she came out of the apartment. We loaded our things into her car, and as she set her GPS, she told me, "It's going to take about ten minutes to get to La Guardia airport. There, we should be able to park the car for a week, and still be an hour early."

I nodded. Emmalyn still looked grim, but I could tell that she was trying very hard not to be. I put my hand on her arm and gave her a sympathetic smile. She looked into my eyes, and I knew that she appreciated me coming with her. Even if she couldn't precisely voice her appreciation, I knew that it was there.

"I know," I said out loud, and she gave me a ghost of a smile, the first I had seen in days.

The crowded airport made it difficult to navigate and find parking, but I didn't expect it to be any different. 

We approached our gate as people began to board, and I looked apprehensively out the giant glass windows. Our plane sat on the runway, a behemoth of a metal machine that would fly through the air in less than half an hour. My anxiety began to spike the longer I looked at it, but I knew I had to pull it together. For Emmalyn's sake. 

The woman scanned our tickets and smiled at us as we passed. As we walked down the tunnel, I felt slightly claustrophobic and knew that being trapped in an airplane would be even less fun. Luckily, I had a seat in the center aisle of the plane, which offered me more room to stretch out my legs on the sides.

The air hostess talked over the intercom, and said, "Welcome aboard United Airlines nonstop flight to Dublin. We are delighted to have you on board with us today on the twenty-fourth of July. Please pay attention to your flight attendants evenly spaced throughout our cabin as we explain to you the emergency features-"

As she kept talking, I turned to Emmalyn and took her hand in mine. She tried to smile again, but I could tell it was hard for her. "You don't have to pretend, Emmalyn. Not when you're around me. I know you're hurting and it's normal. Keep that fake smile for when you'll need it." She nodded, and then reached down to pull out her iPod to preoccupy herself for the long flight ahead.

I focused my attention back to the front as the air hostess went through how to apply an oxygen mask to your face properly. The ten-minute speech ended with, "Thank you for choosing United Airlines, and if there is anything we can do to make your flight more enjoyable, please don't hesitate to ask!"

After ten more minutes of endless waiting, we were finally airborne. The entire flight Emmalyn listened to her iPod and occasionally looked up to gaze out the windows, only taking a break to go to the bathroom. I, on the other hand, decided to spend the time reading a book and browsing the screen in front of me for movies to watch, but nothing caught my interest. I even tried falling asleep, but for some reason, I couldn't. As I tried to stay still, I became overly aware of my heartbeat, which made me feel even more uncomfortable. It was very strong and felt like it was on the verge of pounding out of my chest. I tried to calm down by breathing in deeply, but all this did was make it feel as if my heart were speeding up. Beads of sweat started to form on my forehead, and I clutched the side of the seat. Please. Not here. Not now, I begged myself. I hadn't had an anxiety attack since I was a little girl, and I didn't want them to start up again in front of so many people. I closed my eyes and started counting in my head, as long as I needed to, until the panic began to ebb away.