A Survivor's Diary

August 2013

I wish I could say it ended there, Dee. Good things come to an end, but bad things are a relentless fucking cycle.
Maybe I am a shit person for this, but I did what I had to do. 
The very end of August was a liberating time for me. Don't ask me how I managed to gain this new sense of strength. I wanted to change my looks, my style. He told me blonde would look terrible on me. He wouldn't allow me to color my hair. 

It was like running into a brick wall, the realization of my worth and strength. I remember making my Instagram look a little better, I started posting some pictures of myself. A nice guy started talking to me, just in a friendly way of course. But this guy made me realize that "nice" was a real thing and I was not getting that. I wasn't getting anything but manipulated, abused, torn apart by this monster.
Like many times before I hinted I wanted to leave him over a text. As expected, he threatened to harm himself, but I realized it was a trick. He never would. He was narcissistic. He had too much pride. He said fine we're done. He thought I was fall for it again, he really did. He thought I was weak still.
I didn't reply.
I didn't even want to acknowledge anything. I wanted to leave it at that.
I bleached my hair.
I made new friends.
I changed my style.
I found my worth.

I didn't even consider what might happen when school started only over a week later. I would be paying for what I did to him.