"Nobody is ever going to love you after me, not after I'm done with you."
I was deemed unlovable 5 years ago. I believe it. They come and they go. Never staying for long.
"You're just too much, Sydney."
I'm too much for myself honestly. My emotions are constantly all over the place, and I feel each one so intensely that I honestly believe I'm insane sometimes. It's impossible to find somebody who loves me past my baggage. Why would anyone want the broken girl when there are so many perfectly fine ones out there? I was always the kid who got picked last in P.E. Here I am at 21 years old, still the last one to get picked.
I'm crazy, downright psychotic at times. My anger causes me to spit venom at anyone who dares to cross me. If you get caught in that crossfire, it's over. My sadness pulls me down deep in a dark dungeon of memories and feelings. When I'm sad, I feel every pull on my heart harder than the one before, pulling me further into the desolate abyss.
I'm in the abyss today. I don't know how I'll ever get out or when I will. This day, like many others, will haunt me forever.
YOU ARE READING
A Survivor's Diary
Non-FictionThis is my diary. Feel free to read and let me know if you relate. Share your story with me as I have done with you. We are in this together.
