Someone Hit the Mute Button

Chapter Fifteen- Play It Again

Chapter Fifteen- Play It Again

     Now, I knew that this was not exactly a major improvement, but it was something. It was a start, which was something I really needed.

     Seven weeks. Seven whole weeks. Actually, seven weeks and four days. That's how long it had been since I had heard from any of my friends. I got a blank text from Dustin five weeks post-fuck up, but that had been all.

      I was returning to some of my old habits. I ate infrequently, hardly left my room or when my mother was not home, the couch. I was constantly in a ratty t-shirt and an old pair of shorts. I watched Gossip Girl all the way through twice, but I didn't mind because I hardly paid any attention. I was stuck going through the motions. School was not one of them. I had a lot of extra time on my hands, and I would complete assignments to be dropped off. My mother had told my doctor to inform the school that I would no longer be attending due to "medical complications". As long as I kept up with it, I'd still pass, which was good enough for me. How she managed it was a mystery to me but I no longer cared.

     Sometimes, I considered going into Alec's room, but I was far too afraid of what I would find. Had my mother cleaned it out? Had she left everything the way he had it? Was it covered in dust by now? I had no way of knowing and very little true desire to find out. If I didn't know, then it didn't matter. Every now and then I could still walk by the door and think that he was asleep in there. It wasn't realistic, but it was my reality.

     I had thought that being alone again would feel strange, but it felt like I had never stopped. Save the memories of the fun I'd been having, there was no evidence that I had ever changed. No evidence that I had a life for a little while.

     I broke down far less frequently. When I lost control, it was very minor and nothing like it had been since Dustin walked into my life.

      Dustin was a different demon all by himself. 

     I missed him, of course I did. I missed Eli and Gwen, too. But I missed Dustin... differently. I knew that it didn't make any sense, but I didn't care. That was how I felt about it.

     Sometimes, I'd start to text him, but then I'd remember what I did to him and I'd put my phone back down. I knew that he had not yet forgiven me, and I didn't know if he ever would. Hell, I didn't know if I'd ever forgive myself. 

     I did my best to keep him out of my head. It was all I could do to keep my sanity.

     I shook my head and stared at the television screen, attempting to make sense of what Blair Waldorf was whining about now. I gave up quickly.

     It took me a minute to realize that my phone was going off. 

    It was a call, which never happened. No one ever called me, not even when I had friends. It's not like I could really answer. Besides, it was late. It was almost midnight.

     Gwen's name and silly picture came up, and against my better judgement I answered the call. It took a second for her to realize I answered.

     "Annalise?" She said, her voice somewhat panicked. She realized that I wouldn't answer and continued. "Um, can you come to Dustin's house? Eli says that you know where it is. It's important. Okay, bye. And Annalise? Hurry please."

     I stared at my phone screen when the call ended. What the hell? You go seven weeks without a word and now you want my help? Who the hell does that?

     But then it hits me, and I grab my keys off of the rack in the kitchen. 

    I pass my mother as I'm on my way to the garage. She and Mr. Knight had just pulled in as I unlocked my car. She seemed so shocked that I was no longer on the couch that she didn't say a word.