The Knowledge Of Us

XI

Chapter 11 – Knock Knock: It's Depression

I am struggling. I don't have my medicine, I haven't gotten a call from Cass or Kimmy, I've had to call out of work since the Debut. It was so hard to even do my job then. Taking the pictures, and filming back stage it was so hard for me to not cry. Jin ended up almost losing his pants, so once he was off of stage he started crying, and panicking. Calming him down was hard, none of the workers could do it. I had to go and sit with him. I ended up on my knees holding one hand, as he wiped his tears with the other.

"Jin, when I danced in competitions I had an accident with my outfit as well. I had it on backwards for the entire dance, and I never knew why it was so hard to dance in it, and I ended up tripping over it and falling. Right in the middle of my dance. I was so embarrassed I ran right off stage. I still got third place. But that accident allowed me to learn, and from then on I would get dressed, and then practice my routine to see if there were any changes that needed to be done to the costume." He stopped crying for a minute.

"But this is our debut, what if we can't debut because of this." I smiled at his worries for the other members.

"Hun, no one saw it. The only people that noticed were the people that knew the dance. Your members, me, and the managers. It kinda looked like part of the routine." After that he had calmed down enough for them to redo his make up and get them back on stage for their second song. I was proud of them, and I think they'd make it big.

Since that day I haven't seen the boys, haven't talked to anyone. I've locked my dorm door and I've stayed in. I knew I needed to go to the doctor to get more of my sleeping pills, but I just couldn't get myself out of the house. Couldn't bring myself to do anything. It's been a week since their debut, they are doing well from what I've heard. And I know my boss is getting impatient with me. I knew it was getting bad, and in a moment of strength I messaged Jin. I asked him to come over to help me. My pride got in the way and I decided to shower while he headed over. When I got out of the shower I got dressed but left my long curly hair to dry on its own. The drip of the water off my hair onto my back and feet gave me a comfort I didn't know I longed for. Jin was waiting for me in the living room, the first thing he did was pull me into a hug. I had convinced him to help me make a doctor's appointment for tomorrow. Once that was set up he invited me to their dorm to make dinner. I didn't want to, but I knew it could help. These boys always helped. Agreeing we headed over, but then Jin stopped me.

"We have to go to the store first." I nodded and we walked down the street to the market. Shopping with Jin used to be my favorite thing, but today I couldn't even muster a smile. "Kimchi needs ginger, lets get that now." He says as though he's scared to forget. Ginger. Saeng-gang. Why is that so familiar to me? My heart drops.

"I'm not a fan of ginger, can we not use it?" I ask following after Jin. He stops.

"Yes, that's fine." I smile relieved, he then turns around and walks in the other direction, mumbling the word "cabbage" over and over. He is very picky when it comes to picking out the right cabbage, he would go through every one very carefully before grabbing the ones he wanted. I almost thought the amount he was getting was excessive but then I remembered he has seven mouths to feed, eight including mine. It made me think of my relationship with the boys. Is it normal, or even okay? I mean technically I'm working for them.

"Jin?" He looks over at me as he pays for the food.

"Is it normal for you to befriend employees?" He smiles.

"Normally no. But you're a Young girl, in an unfamiliar place alone. Most of the boys found it their job to look after you." I was shocked, I didn't think they thought of me like that.