Lungs // Jc Penny

0.1

So this is what it feels like to finally be alone. 

I never thought I could escape from what seems like the entire face or the earth and not have anyone wonder about my disappearance. I thought the loneliness would finally be what I needed, but its more like a constant hole I've been needing to fill.

Everyone has given up on me. It's been a year and a half. People either think I'm dead or are making up stories about how I've been kidnapped. Most the time, I wish the first half was true. If I was dead, I would finally be able to get over him. He's so happy without me. I think the day he finds someone else will be the day I die, literally.

I've stopped eating. What's the point if spending money on things that I'm just going to throw out? I never thought things would come to this. I never thought I could possibly be this alone. I thought I loved the lonely feeling until I realized how much it hurt to be alone

Instead  of making videos I make coffee at a local cafe. Needless to say, I'm not much of a people person anymore. No one there actually needs me, they just felt bad for seeing me alone all the time so they decided to hire me instead of watching me walk around outside.

I said I needed things in the past, like to fit in or to have people who love me but now none of that's something to worry about. I've made my own reality. 

This is until I picked up the camera again. . .