3:00 A.M.

II

Empty cold ceiling stared down at me, pulling me into its seemingly unfathomable depth.

I closed my tired eyes and curled to one side, succumbing to the cottony sheet of the blanket and pillow on my bed. Forcing my eyes to shut and my senses to sleep.

Instead, my eyes landed on the digital clock on my bedside table.

2:57 A.M.

I heaved a sigh and sat down.

You can't go Kintana. I reminded myself.

It had been a week since I last saw him, since he told me who he was. After that night, I had not had the courage to face him again.

I don't clearly understand it myself.

I liked what we had when we were mere strangers but now...I'm afraid.

Between all the bundle of emotions that had visited my heart for these past few days, fear is what I did not expected.

What am I so afraid about?

I know. It's the uncertainties of it all.

The engagement had come to me in a blink. I can still remember the night my father told me about it the first time. I had been fuming with anger when I stormed out of the house. That same night was when I saw him at the Coffee Shop.

I didn't immediately developed any admiration towards him since I was busy being desperate on forgetting about the fight that I had with my father. But he is a looker, it did not took long for me to have unexplainable rapid heartbeats when he is around. I didn't realize that slowly, my reason for going every night has changed.

The Coffee Shop is my escapade, my lair, my fantasy land and the only place that gives sanity to my crazy world. Everything there seems to be on the perfect spot; the beach, the country songs, the yellow walls, the air of coffee aromas - every bit. Later, he became a part of what completes it too.

Every time I imagine the Coffee Shop, I always see myself sipping on my hot chocolate on my spot beside the door with a blurry silhouette of him sitting beside me, burying himself on his music book.

I'm afraid of this.

At first he had only been a figure of inspiration for me, someone I drew positivity from and the only part of my life that's exciting. Now, he became a part of what's holding me and I'm afraid of how easily I let him in my life. Was I reckless?

I hate fast, risks and being impulsive because it always ends up in a mess that I might not be able to fix.

I work with certainty, with plan and carefully weighed possibilities.

It had been easier when he was just a stranger because there were no clear lines associating him and me except the Coffee Shop which had been magical.

Him becoming my fiancé is not on the plan.

The plan was me ignoring and ditching every engagement party which although were excruciating is much easier than him being the guy behind all of those.

I couldn't even feel guilty for him because until now I still don't approve of how my parents forcefully dragged me into it.

I hate being dictated upon, being told what to do. My parents, as much as I love them, had been that way ever since.

Now, I can't help but think, is he going to be like my parents too? He approved of the engagement in the first place and had been persistent.

I can't even ask him about these questions in my head since I'm not good with confrontations and had been pretty much avoiding him both hoping he'd ignore and praying he'd come knocking at my door.