Chap:15: On my own

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Reyna's POV

Author's Hint: This is the day after Sora was at Mrs.Satoshi's house.

It's been two weeks since the last time Avery has so much as looked at me. We are all ninth graders, one year away from high school graduation. It's not like I didn't have any other friends, it's just due to different subject divisions all my other friends got dumped into one section and Avery and me in another. At the beginning of the year, I was glad that I wouldn't be completely alone. Nine's almost over and look where we are.

I honestly don't know where the feud started. At first I noticed the lack of topics to talk about. Then slowly she began to drift towards other people. Whenever during class I found her sitting alone, I walked over and asked how things were going. I remember her giving me these grimaces, so I thought I was being a bother.

I remember this particular time when I tried striking up a conversation as we walked together. She constantly kept walking faster and whenever her new friends' heads were turned or when they were talking to one of their own, she would reply in a tone that clearly said she didn't have anything to talk to me about. I tried to match her pace and keep trying only she kept walking a little bit more and more ahead of me. It was almost like it was embarrassing to walk next to me.

There was another time Susan and Avery were talking and I was walking just a step ahead. We were on our way to the cafeteria. After a while I looked over my shoulder, they were gone. I thought they were so slow and walked up the stairs again, nothing. I walked back down and after 10 mins of searching everywhere on the ground floor, I realized something.

I had been what people called, "ditched".

Sad isn't it? How long it took me to realize? That's right, I'm not really that wise or maybe I just never thought that this would happen to me and when it did, I didn't want to believe it. I tried to stand there in their little groups and see if I could relate with them but whenever I asked, " What are you guys talking about ?" she would nonchalantly say, "Nothing much." So I would wait a bit and after I started to leave they would resume talking again.

I remember all this as I see her laughing on the other side of class. It was General Math class now, I had already finished my classwork and was sitting idle. I looked at the clock and counted the minutes left till the end of 3rd period, after which was break. Per day we had six classes. School happened five days a week and I had a tough time juggling my nine O level subjects. 15 mins left.

I have yet to finish a murder trilogy that I had borrowed from the school library. Our library was huge, half of the books were literature works, the other half were extra books on all the subjects provided by the school plus things like encyclopedias and magazines even. Usually my love of books helped me to pick out the best ones but this particular trilogy was so boring it was impossible to read. I'm too lazy to find a better one and exchange. So in the end I decide to go buy some snacks before break begins and the cafeteria runs out of all the good things.

Lots of stuff were on sale, I bought some of these triangular shaped fried dough with meat and vegetable filling, we call them "samosas'' and a cream bun in case it gets too spicy. I thought might as well wash my hands since there was only 5 mins left before break began. So I head over towards the washroom and that's when I start hearing voices from behind the door.

Instinctively I slow down and stop to listen. The people behind it were speaking in loud whispers.

"Reyna pisses me off so much. Just because we didn't talk for some time she expects me to apologize for having found better friends and having fun! I mean if she really was my friend she should be happy for me right? The jealous little bitch is trying to tie me down because I can fit in better with everyone else. I'm on her hate list now, can you believe it ? "

That voice....I recognize that voice.

Avery.

Enough, that's enough. I slowly remove myself from the door and quietly leave.

That's fine, weren't you already expecting something like this? That's right, we'll be just fine. We don't need anyone, my mind tells me. If for cherishing a friend I get called, " jealous little bitch" then that just proves how these people are really like, I tell myself.

Slowly at first, then faster and faster I start to run. With my food clutched tightly in one fist and the other rubbing furiously at the traitorous tears I keep on running.

It's fine, we'll be alright. I can survive on my own. High school's almost over, we can start over at college or where ever the hell I go. These past few weeks I've survived on my own, I can survive today and tomorrow and every other tomorrow after that.

I don't need anyone. I won't become one of those people who become depressed just because they get isolated and give up on life, who can't survive without hiding behind others in groups to feel comfortable and secure. I won't be.

I've cared for these things up until now, I've upset myself over them, tried in vain to fix them and been misunderstood but no more.

It hurts when someone you knew really well turns into someone you used to know. Worse when that person starts treating you like trash. I'm not your pet dog that will wait for its master to come back despite the treatment I get. I'm not a shoe you can try on and when you no longer like it, you can throw away just like that.

Just what is friendship to people? What does it even mean? What value does it have? Is it really worth all the blood, sweat and tears required to maintain it?

With all the pain that I've suffered I'm losing my faith in it all. Isn't it better to be alone?

I'll be nobody's play thing. I'll be myself, and if you are going to my friend you will just have to like me for who I am. I'm not going to change myself to fit some mould. I'll be a fighter.

I vaguely remember clashing with some person in front of the principal's office and hear him curse as I knock his stuff out of his hands . The guy stoops to pick it up. The polite thing to do would be to stop and help clean up my mess. But I wasn't in a stable state of mind , more over I didn't want anybody to see this vulnerable side of me. So I kept running and running, up stairs upon stairs till I came to a stop in front of the rooftop.

That's where I curled into a ball and allowed myself to cry.

For the 5th time that day, I said to myself, ''It's alright".

I'm alright.


Author's Note:  To clear confusion, in the context of the story's educational system 8-10th grade is high school and 11-12th is college. 

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