SHATTERED

Chap:19: One True Friend

Reyna's POV

I just wanted an one true friend. Someone you could still keep in touch long after leaving school. Someone you could introduce saying " We have been friends since 4th grade!". Someone you could communicate with without words, just one look and a knowing smile. Someone who you didn't have to be with 24/7 but still  fall back upon any time. After reading so many manga and novels, watching anime and movies of people having  that one person who could understand them really well and see them through thick and thin, I wanted a friend like that.

But when you have idealistic dreams like that you become really gullible. You tend to trust too much, and 99/100 times in the wrong people. Being a simpleton is the worst possible curse on someone. People take advantage of you a lot, crush your heart over and over again and yet in a desperate attempt to find companionship you let them. Time and time again, believing they will change.

People can't change overnight. They can't change by themselves. They can't change if they don't know what's wrong. They can't change if they don't want to. Then again, if they do, there is no way to tell if it's for better or worse. I wish some people  had never changed. I wish I knew what caused it so that I could fix it because, my dear friends I liked how it used to be. I wish whatever awful thing you encountered that made you turn bitter, I wish you had never encountered it.

Ever since the beginning of class 9 my life has slowly turned upside down. I'm losing my friends left and right. It makes me wonder, there must be something wrong with me. I stupidly get close to people and think that I'm close to them as well. I stupidly love someone with all my heart. I'm so stupid to get hurt over and over again because of the same things.

Is my way of loving so wrong? I had promised myself I wouldn't let anyone get close  enough to hurt me again. And yet...I can't go through with it. Why do I keep yearning for the impossible? Why do I never learn? Why am I so weak? 

 I don't want to cry over every little thing. I don't want them to get that satisfaction out of me. I don't want to be dependent on anyone for anything. 

I don't want to be hurt again.

I want to be stronger.