The Bad and the Worst (URBAN)

The Bad and the Worst : Nine

Kassius

Against my better judgment, I was on my way out there. For months, I had been battling if I should go or not; but what kind of man would I be if I didn't? No parent is ever supposed to bury their child, but ultimately I was the reason she's gone. New York was still a red zone for me, so I wore an old NYU hoodie Van got me just in case of any eyes near the cemetery.

Staring at the headstones, my eyes began to burn and a knot formed in my throat. As painful as it was, I couldn't even bring myself to cry. All I could do was stand there and hate myself. Guess I finally understood what my mother had been trying to keep me away from.

My mother didn't always have her illness; my dad drove her crazy. My mother was the only child of a pastor, that happened to fall for the 'bad boy' of the neighborhood, as she would say. Growing up, she would always tell me that my father wasn't the best role model.

She fought tooth and nail to keep me out of his business, but the materialistic shit was all I saw as a kid. Of course I witnessed my dad do and say some hurtful shit to my mom, but we never wanted for anything. So, when I started putting my work in at 12, it was all or nothing. My mother's worry turned to paranoia, which slowly progressed into schizophrenia.

For a kid, I watched my father do a lot of fucked up stuff; got me into some fucked up stuff. He was all about is money and his power and nothing stood in the way of the two; not even his family.

"This shouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry. Daddy didn't deserve you," I looked over at Van's headstone. "Neither of you."

I couldn't bear to stay any longer. Turning around, I noticed a familiar face approaching me with a bouquet of flowers. She wore sunglasses so I couldn't really make her out. Getting closer, she stopped in her tracks at the sight of me. She looked like she was about to turn back around, but instead she walked faster in my direction.

"You got a lot of nerve bringing your ass around here," she spat, snatching her glasses off. She had eyes just like her sister.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"I know you sorry. I told her your ass was sorry the second she told me what type of nigga you were. Why you here now? Came from out of town, no family, so you preyed on my sister. The only good thing you did for her was my niece, but you snatched that shit away too!" she erupted, landing a punch to my chest.

"Luna-"

"Don't say name. Not mine, my sister or my niece. I wouldn't dare recognize you as her father. Ever!" Taking a step back she, sighed and wiped the tears falling from her face. As much as I wanted to, nothing I could do or say would change how she felt. I mean, she wasn't wrong...

"Just go back to hell where you came from and NEVER come around here."

Not bothering to speak, I simply left. Luna was Van's younger sister and she hated my ass from the beginning. I tried my hardest to get on her good side, but it only took her one time to disrespect me so I gave up after that. Once Van and I decided not to do the relationship thing, getting Luna's approval didn't matter anymore.

Losing a child is just a different kind of hurt, especially when you should've been the one to protect them. That, along with the guilt of taking someone else's child, was tearing me down slow and painfully. I had some business waiting for me back in Philly, but my head wouldn't let me focus. Never allowing emotions to get in the way of business was something Zoe and Ace beat into my head.

Arriving home, I turned off both phones and started on my bottle of Crown. I faced a few blunts, before finishing the bottle; but even after that I cracked open a bottle of Jack Daniels. It just seemed liked my guilt and anger was a bottomless pit that couldn't be filled. Knocking back shots and smoking myself to a haze, I prayed over and over for God to strike me down. Every time my eyes closed all I could see was their deceased, bloody bodies and I couldn't take the image anymore.