Sudden Departure

Chapter Seven

The old, wooden pew creaked as I heaved myself up. I turned and watched the rows of people file out from their seats as I did the same.

At the door of the church Cameron hooked his arm around my waist after shaking hands with the priest. He twisted around and steered me towards his tuck.

I slid into the cab and glanced up at the sky. They sun was peaking out from under a cloud and rays of light were projected in beams, like something out of a Disney movie.

Cameron entwined his arm over the headrest and looked at me solemnly. "Hey, are you okay?"

I looked at him and blinked a few times before answering. "Yeah, of course. Why?"

"Well, for starters, you are kind of out of it. I think the readings and the homily left you a little dazed."

I leaned back and considered his words.

Death. Death, death. Death. It didn't sound so scary if you said it enough. Death. Death. Death. Never mind. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think death is perfectly called for. I don't want to sound bad or anything, but it helps to control overpopulation, teaches people that some things aren't permanent, and sometimes relieves people from pain after sickness. I'm just personally afraid of it.

At mass one of the readings was the one that Jesus called his dead friend, Lazarus, from his tomb. He had been dead for about two weeks and he walked out completely alive. The priest built on the topic of death during his homily by saying:

"Death is almost always portrayed as some terrifying natural force. It is not, my brothers and sisters. Death is God's way of bringing us to heaven and letting us know that our service here on Earth is finished. We should not be afraid of death because it brings us to heaven. Bringing is closer to God and heaven is avoiding sin..."

I was never very good at paying attention and I zoned in and out at that point. I heard him stressing about not sinning and staying close to God, but I also heard him press further the matter of not being afraid of death.

I snapped out of the memory as Cameron started the engine. He was still staring intensely at me. "Um, yeah. No. Uh, I'm fine."

He widened his eyes concerned and tangled his fingers in my hair. "Are you afraid of death?"

I scoffed and crossed my arms. "Who isn't?"

He gripped his hands on the steering wheel. "Me."

I raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "You? Really?"

He released a nervous chuckle. "Yeah. I mean, I feel like if I died here and now I have my priorities straight. I think I'd eventually get where I need to get."

"But wouldn't you be worried about all of the people you're leaving behind? And afraid for what comes next."

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes and shrugged. "What about you, aren't you afraid? You never gave me a straight answer."

"No."

Cameron gave me a look full of suspicion. "Really?"

"No," I said with full intention to halt the conversation.

He gave me another determined look and wrapped his arms around the headrest again. "That's not true. I know deep, deep down that you really are. And that's okay. You can tell me."

"No! I'm not afraid!" I exclaimed hotly. "Just leave it."

He apologetically sighed and gave me a sorry look.

"I'm sorry for blowing up. This subject I'd just...touchy...for me."

Cameron reached and squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry for pressing."

"Will you take me home?"

He nodded and continued down the rode.

I pulled out my iPod and fumbled with the earbuds for a moment before sticking them in my ears. I sighed gratefully as "Out of the Black" by Royal Blood flooded my ears and drowned out other Cameron's country music and singing. I closed my eyes to think.

I was still mad. I loved Cameron but the way he figures me out so quickly was amazing but, he was so prideful he liked to hear that he was right so he would always press me for an explanation. Sometimes he didn't understand personal boundaries like that.

I honestly was really scared of death. I got what the priest was saying that we need death and all to get to heaven, but I was still afraid. There was something about leaving everything and everyone behind that wasn't very appealing.

There is also so much mystery surrounding death. No one really knew what happened after life and I didn't want to know just then.