(Two years ago)
I looked down at my desk, it was full of horrible words and terrible names. It was an old rustic desk full of scars and deep wounds.
The words told me that I should leave and never come back, people in the classroom starred at me wondering what I was going to do next, they thought I was going to break down and cry. But I smiled, some kids thought that was the moment I broke. I started laughing because deeply I knew they were right.
That I broke, that very moment I did. The same day my so called "father" left and left me there all alone. I put my hood over my head and put my hands in my pocket. I was smiling because I knew the moment, people would know what I hide deep in my mind. Today is the worst day of my life. My father left and I no longer have dreams. Funny.... I'm not even safe in my own dreams, most people sleep because there body's make them, I sleep to hide away from the world. I left out of the class and started running down the hallway. I wanted to cry but I held it all in.
I went to the bathroom, I looked into the mirror. I couldn't even recognize my own reflection, not even a little. I took my hands out of my hoodie and took off my hood. I've lost everything, my family, my love, .... And my will to live. I was staring hard at my reflection trying to figure out what went wrong.
"Little lost boy finally lost it"
I heard a deep voice say from behind me. I turned around to see no one, no one was standing there.
No one saw when it burned the very thing I loved that day.
No one heard my plea for help.
No one cared for the little lost boy I once was.
Not even me
(Now)
"This can't...."
She said while looking at their fingers intertwined. She can't even count how many times she hoped that it will be them together in the end. That someday the universe will be on their side. That maybe there will come a day that fate will let us be genuinely happy and free.
"I know... Please let me hold you for a while. Let me feel your presence for a second. Just, please let me hold you."
I said with tears waiting to fall from my eyes, while holding her hands softly yet firmly to show that i had no plan of letting them go. That I haven't thought of letting her leave again.
She closed her eyes. And let her mind wander to their memories for the past years. She doesn't want to end it here. She doesn't want to let things just to crumble and fall. And even if it hurts, she doesn't let my hands slipped away. Because this time, she decided to hold on. She chose it over moving on.
She left me standing there, motionless, and broken into pieces of nothingness. I felt lost again I wanted to cry but I held it in. I opened my mouth to speak but I had no voice. My mind was LOUD. Almost screaming at me to chase after her and tell her how I feel. But no words would come out, and I couldn't breath. Short of breath I reach out my hand to grab hers but it was far to late and heart was far to ripped in peices.
Mom, you've destroyed me...
Dad, you've left me......
Sister your all I have.....
I feel sad, but you cannot cry. I feel tired, but i cannot sleep. I feel angry, but i cannot scream. I feel alone, but i cannot tell anybody. I feel trapped, but I cannot run away from your thoughts. I feel hopeless, but I cannot find a reason to go on. I made a list in my mind of all of the reasons to stay against all of the reasons to disappear. One side is getting longer than the other.
The darkness wants me to cut a little deeper and give in to it. Everyday I loose a little bit more of myself and add a reason to stop fighting. Everyday I are one step closer to never waking up again. Today I survived the battle, but the war is far from over, the darkness smiles as it looks deep into my soul and whispers "see you tomorrow". How long before I cannot fight for another tomorrow. Not long at all.
I'm near my End.
I step out into the road without looking as I need that car to hit me; I've lost all the drive of my own.
For those teenagers who sit in their rooms at night cry themselves to sleep were once children with light in their eyes and hope in their heart, and I was one of them
My mind is a war, toxic and deadly. Enter it and you won't survive. Trust me, it's killing me. Thought by thought.
i once knew a girl who liked to draw beautiful pictures that nobody saw she drew by herself alone at night locked in her bedroom out of sight the pictures were strange they came with a twist her pen was a razor her canvas, a wrist. Sad to see such a horrible battle go off in a young girls mind. But I'm not one to talk. Never one to talk. Goodbye world
If I ever get hit by a car thank the man behind the wheel, because he took me away from a place I didn't want to be And if I ever get shot, tell the man behind the trigger that he just did what I was always scared to do
Wouldn't it be great if you could turn back time to the days where you were afraid of the monsters under your bed instead of the monsters in your head?
I walked out on to the road
I heard honking and a man screaming
"I'm near my end"
I whispered
Take me far, far way
From this life and the next.
I've lost the drive of my own.
Lost the battle in my head.
All my words now left unsaid.
All my stitches were open.
......
Sorry such a sad story line but at least bts has a comeback trailer
