Dear Evelyn~
It feels just like yesterday. I seen you walk around with your head down low. Sometimes I would just stare at you. The first semester of school was okay I seen you walk I heard people talk I knew they would say things but never really cared. I didn't know your name so I just called you mistery girl. It was just some thing that drew me to you. Then the second semester came, you was in my p.e class you were still so silent.
So, so silent.
Then nia came and introduced you to me I felt happy. But you were still so silent. I knew sometimes you would be quiet to here others. Then I seen you smile and my world sparked. I swear once I was staring at you during science you turned around and I moved my head so fast I nearly fell out of my chair. I remember when we had a project together it was on some stupid thing.
While you were on the computer working I would stair at you untill you turned your head. I would get lost in your eyes and I don't even know why.
Somehow you were the
Good
Bad
But somehow
The best I've ever had
You smile
Your laugh
Made my day
People said mean words, nasty things. But when I was with you I didn't even care any more.
For you were mine at least then
You were my sun set
My sweet heart
Mine
You made my bad world go away a lot of things happened that I never told you about. I might never tell anyone. Not even think about it. You took me away from my bad world, you showed me the light. The good things in life. One day I was ready to end it all but then I thought about you and the good things so I stopped. 'Just for a day' I thought to myself 'Just for a day I will stop'. That day you told me you tried to kill your self l, tell me do you know how much that hurt. Maybe it was because I was selfish and self indulged. But it really did hurt.
So I made a pledge to smile around you. And never stop. No Matter how bad the thoughts were I smiled. But then I moved and I couldn't contact you. I tried to smile so no one could see my true colors of sadness and hate. But I never did show someone my true side. I made a friend she was nice. I saw someone at my school who reminded me of you. Nearly ripped my heart out of my cheast. But I kept a smile on my face. Then I finally got to message you again. You told me you had a new girl friend. I didn't care I just wanted you to be happy it's all a cared about, the only thing I cared about.
You were my addiction
You took me from the dark
And showed me the light
I moved on and found someone but you will always be my first love.
But the darkness is coming in
My bad world is coming back out
The bad thoughts are back. But I won't tell you i don't want you to feel sorry for me. If you know how bad it was you would understand and I know you have your demons. But mine are growing by the thought. Sweetheart I've done a lot of bad things like stolen, lied, and fought more than you would even believe me.
I told my therapist she said I was selfish all the things I did was out of Speight and I guess she was right. That I was selfish so I never told anyone. Tell me, if you know the things I've done you would run. But I'm to selfish to tell you this so I wrote it out in a story. Before I slip back into depression just know I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm a terrible person.
I'm sorry I was a horrible friend.
I'm sorry I never told you who I really was.
I'm sorry I exist.
I'm sorry I got mad over nothing.
I'm so, so, sorry.
Please forget me
And forgive me
Because my thoughts are killing me
And my heart has been broken beyond repair.
So before I put this mask back on and tell you everything is fine just know
I'm a lie
And I hate it. Your talking to a stranger with a mouth full of lies. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not kind. I'm not sweet. I'm gone.
So good bye sweetheart. I loved once.
Sincerely
No one
