Little cousin (adopted by Shane Dawson)

Chapter 4:

I don't know what to feel as I sit there, my eyes filling with tears.

I mean, sure, the tears may leave tear tracks, but I don't know what else to do, my cousins will probably yell at me again if I go downstairs and my uncle will probably think I'm too much hard work and will try and send me home.

I don't know why I couldn't just take what they said to me like I usually do at school.

Nod and grin, nod and grin.

Maybe it was beside Chad and Tyler had actually been nice to me and I was hoping for more.

Maybe because, even though deep down in my heart they would probably be mean, my subconscious still had the hope that they would be nice people and I would get along with them and have a good three weeks.

But now that I've seen how they are I know they won't be a good three weeks.

I'm basically being forced to go to school everyday constantly for three weeks and I won't be able to get away from it.

I sit with my head in my knees and my arms wrapped around them.

My back is cold, very cold, I can feel Blake around me, touching me, almost as if he is trying to comfort me.

But it doesn't work, or just makes me sadder.

Why couldn't he have lived to come here with me?

Why couldn't we have stayed together and have not been ripped apart by the fucking car crash.

He was my twin brother, older by two minutes and thirty five seconds, and he's gone, he's been gone for a while.

I just wish he was here so we could face my mean cousins with him and not be intimidated, he never was, and I don't understand why I'm letting myself become.

I want him back to we can take it together.

But that's me being selfish again, even if he was still alive he didn't deserve the abuse they gave me today.

I deserved it because I was a shitty sister, it should have been me who died in that crash, not him.

Now I'm sat here, an empty shell of a person, crying on my uncle, who I met for the first time today's, bedroom floor.

I'm a fucking mess.

//

I sit like that for a long time, I'm not sure how long, but the tears don't stop falling, however my breathing calms down a bit.

I continue contemplating things, my thought process going round in circles, a vicious cycle I just can't figure out how to get out of.

Out of seemingly nowhere I feel a tap on my shoulder and look up to see Shane, his face morphing into one of a concerned status when he sees the tears flowing freely.

He then plonks himself down onto the floor next to me and hesitantly pulls me into his chest, he doesn't say anything, he just does it, and as the tears stop I feel  the hiccuping sobs start to come.