I'd Die For You

1//Wise

I stared at her as she shuffled around the place. her honey-brown locks never failed to amaze me as they danced with the wind. she was everything to me. everything about her, from the inside and out, was astounding. I couldn't look anywhere but her direction. the way she smiled while facing her friend, or the way she altered the book's pages and had a hard expression on, they made me want to never take my glances off of her. she was like a curse to me that made me unable to do anything else when she was around. and what's funny is, she never talked to me once or even heard about me.

I took a long sip of my apple juice while pretending to keep myself busy so I don't look like a creep --despite that I already do-- until I was interrupted by my lousy friend. he sat on the opposite side of the table, giving me a wide grin and wiggling eyebrows. I huffed and rolled my eyes, ignoring him and holding my ham sandwich ready to take a bite. but of course, he had to cut me off before even tasting the delicious food that was held between my palms. I exhaled in tiresome and eyed him, giving him a dull look. he giggled, knowing what that meant, and continued whatever he was about to do.

"still staring at her?" he started, making my heart skip a tiny beat.

"y-yeah, so what..." my lips slightly trembled before touching the bread and finally deciding to bite into it.

he let out a hidden snicker before grinning at me and raising his eyebrows. I let out a long breath out of embarrassment, feeling my cheeks slightly heat up at his actions. after he was done teasing me, he went back to having a normal expression on.

"dude, just go talk to her. it won't hurt..." he nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders then let them relax and fall down. I rolled my eyes at his response. he knew me too well by now, and knew how it's nearly impossible to be close to someone. that was who I am, a loner who isolates himself from the whole world so he doesn't hurt them or get hurt.

"Okay," he fake-coughed, "I know it's impossible, but you never know. maybe it will get better with time..?" that little hope he gave me made me think, but it soon died. remembering all the past relationships I've had made me rethink about my choice again. I didn't want to do something to her that I'll soon regret.

I took a slight glance at her while slowly chewing the food inside my mouth. how can someone give you so much hope without trying? with just a simple smile of hers, I already felt like all the pain inside me was gone. she might never know how much she made me happy sometimes, but I sure will never forget it. I huffed in surrender. of course, I won't have a chance with her. it's not about me being afraid of her denying me. I couldn't care any less about that. the problem was with me. I was the problem. and that problem always played in my head. a terrible scenario that was on repeat every night before I go to sleep. the thought of losing her, it killed me. I always avoided people, I always pretended I never existed, because if I did, it would be my doom and theirs.

"Hello?" Zack, my annoying friend, said, waving his hand at me while rolling the 'o'. I shook my head and looked at him. swallowing the piece of food I have long forgotten about it. he giggled and smiled the usual squinty eyes smile showing off his long fangs. I was envious of them, to be honest. this would have been cool on me and probably fit the 'monstrous' character that everyone called me.

before I could talk, I noticed her standing up, holding her book that she always carried around, and leaving with two of her friends.

I was also envious of the two friends. of her having two friends to always hang out with. don't get me wrong, I'm not the obsessive type of crush, where I want her for me and me only. but my problem allowed me to feel that way towards people. the feeling of jealousy, the feeling of envy, and most importantly, the feeling of loneliness.