Angels and Demons

I'm A Mess (Sizzy)

Caution: Contains City of Heavenly Fire spoilers. Probably not best to read if haven't read CoHF. Thanks.

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During CoHF when all the Shadowhunters are called to Idris.

I'M A MESS: SIMON & ISABELLE

Isabelle screamed. Nightmares cornered her as she slept pitifully. No one seemed to hear her screaming though even though Alec and Jace were near.

"Max, my baby!" Isabelle wept in her nightmare, "Come here."

She opened her arms to hug him. Max grinned lopsidedly and ran towards her and instead of his warmth meeting her for a hug; he passed through her like a draft.

"Max!" Isabelle's voice grew higher, "Baby brother, no! Why can't I hug you?"

The salty tears spilled down her cheek and she yelled for Alec. She attempted to steady herself as Alec patted across the landing eerily silent.

"Izzy," He smiled wistfully, "How are you?"

Isabelle's tears stopped in the surprise of his words, "What do you mean?"

"I haven't checked on you in a while. It hurts to look down you know." Alec replied smoothly.

"Can I have a hug?" Isabelle whispered, confused and terrified.

Alec's arms went up to go around her and disappeared just like Max. They were gone.

Isabelle hiccuped, "Max? Alec?" She questioned, her voice breaking. The sound of footsteps on the landing made her look up, "Who-" She began to ask.

"Izzy, what's wrong?" Sebastian asked, "I heard you crying. What's the matter?"

"Get away from me," She hissed, "What did you do?"

Sebastian appeared confused and didn't reply.

"You took Max and now Alec!" She screamed, "Why?"

She put her arms around her knees and stared at the whip loose on her arm, waiting to be lashed.

"Izzy," He crouched down causing her to tense, "Remember, your adoptive brother Jace killed Max and Alec in cold blood. I killed Jace so we were saved. You were there, how'd you forget?"

Isabelle trembled, "What about Clary and Simon?"

"Jace also killed them. We were one of the few survivors Izzy, baby remember," Sebastian explained calmly.

"No," Isabelle shook, tears sliding at the thought of Clary and Simon gone; Simon couldn't go, "You're a monster. You killed Max, my baby brother."

"I think you should go lay down. The hormones may be getting to you," He placed a hand on her stomach in a comforting way, "I'll help you babe."

Her hand grasped the whip as she rose to her feet and caught Sebastian in the face as she turned.

Isabelle woke in a cold sweat. The nightmares seemed to get progressively worse each night. Being in Idris didn't help. Everytime she saw the Penhallows house and the centre of Alicante where the parade was held, she thought of Max.

Max. Max. Max. Her baby brother.

Isabelle gulped, feeling alone in the dark. The dark wasn't a atypical Shadowhunter fear but ever since the nightmares, she hated to face the battle alone.

She wanted him there. Him who told her the entire Star Wars plot and made her fall asleep with no nightmares. Him who took her to such hilariously mundane places. Him who listened to every word she said. Him who always was there for her. Him with his heart that didn't beat. Him who had drunk her blood. Him who was a vampire. Him who was a Daylighter. Him who was Simon.

She had used him as a distraction earlier on in the day, not thinking of the effect on him it would have. Isabelle was just thinking of herself and her pain let alone anyone else's. Her family was in pieces, the whole Shadowhunter world was in pieces, she was in pieces. She was a mess.

"I'm a mess," Izzy said out loud to the darkness surrounding her.

For the rest of the night, she lay awake thinking. Which was a very un-Isabelle thing to do. She used to demand beauty sleep and wasn't one for thinking all the wrongs she'd done through.

Simon wouldn't leave her mind, but either did the problems drowning her.