State of Confusion (Doctor Who Fanfic)

Chapter Seventeen - Off Course

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Off Course

The Doctor opened his eyes the moment that Rose stirred.  She was resting on his chest, lying - for all intents and purposes - on top of him, against the back of the sofa.  He'd considered moving her, especially when he realized she was about to enter her nighttime sleep cycle.  But he'd decided against it.  She was warm and he was comfortable, and he had more than enough to think about to occupy his mind for a few hours.

There were so many bits and pieces of memories in her head that were not her own.  Some were complete and some were only fragments - places she'd never seen, people she'd never met.  Whatever the Tardis was trying to say, she had been trying for a long while.  It wasn't just a few night's worth of random dreams.  It was an overview of his entire life.

But why?  That was the part that didn't make any sense.  And he was sure there was a reason.  Had they all been pleasant memories, the reason might have been obvious: the thrill of positive energy, feeding off of moments that had given that rush before.  Except that the overwhelming majority of the events in question weren't pleasant at all.

His mind settled on a case in point.  Adric.  More than a dozen snapshots of him - his life, his home planet, his conversations.  The Tardis had introduced him the best way she knew how, and if only Rose had been sensitive to the language - or, rather, the lack thereof - she might have begun to recognize him showing up, over and over.  But she hadn't.  Ultimately, the Tardis had screamed her message in the loudest way possible.  The strongest memory he had of Adric, whether he liked it or not.  Standing helplessly in the control room while the boy died, his ship crashing to Earth in an explosion of white flame.  He'd watched it on the monitor as he'd stood in the very control room that Rose had been locked screaming inside.  His friend, his companion - and if Susan had been an adopted child to him, then perhaps Adric had been just as much that - incinerated in white flame. 

He'd always thought the boy's death must have been instantaneous, that he couldn't have possibly felt anything.  But the Tardis was no stranger to death by flames.  The nightmares of another, later companion would've painted the picture nicely.  Most likely, that scenario had been a compilation of deaths.  But knowing what pieces went together somehow didn't make the picture any more complete.  Why was the Tardis fixated on death?  And why talk to Rose?  Was it for her safety?  Her end, something she would face?  He didn't want to think about that. 

Luckily, it was a thought that brought up so many improbabilities, it was highly unlikely if not impossible.  The Tardis' memory was unlimited - backwards and forwards - except by the limits that had been built into her.  She obeyed the laws of time just as he did.  More than that, she didn't feel the temptation to break them the way he did.  She would never change a fixed point.  And the death of a time traveler - whether Adric or Rose - was almost always just that.

"Mmm... is it morning?" Rose asked, pushing herself up and looking around the room.

"Early morning, yeah.  I suspect most of the people out on the street right now are still there from the night before."  He smiled as he tucked her hair behind her ear, out of her face.  "You can sleep more if you want.  Don't rush on my account."

She settled again, nuzzling against him, but kept her eyes open.  "How long have I been asleep?  Must have been a while if it's morning."

"I would've put you to bed, but you seemed comfortable enough."

"Last thing I remember, I was standing on the balcony."  She paused.  "No... wait..."

He smiled as her memory filtered back slowly.