i wasn't getting any better.my nightmares were getting more and more realistic.
a few days ago, my mom had tried to stop me from running out the back door since i was still sleeping when i was doing it and i had pulled a knife on her.
i had actually done that to protect myself in the nightmare but somehow i had done that in real life too.
i didn't remember though. just like how i didn't remember most of the things these days.
even my childhood memories were vanishing and so in fear i went through pictures every night to try to remember something from the past.
i had bad anxiety and panic attacks as well and everything just kept getting worse and worse.
mum was worried sick and so she suggested a trip to the hospital.
being the single parent she was, i knew she couldn't pay the hospital bills but she insisted so much so i went.
truth be told, i knew what was wrong with me. we had done a check up on me at the start of high school.
i used to have bad anxiety and minor panic attacks, also did some sleep walking but everything wasn't this bad.
i hadn't told you that though.
we sat on those small and uncomfortable hospital chairs until the nurse came and took us to see the doctor.
they did an mri on me and after some time, we went to see my doctor. the one that had dropped the bomb on us four years ago.
"as you know you have frontotemporal dementia and we did talk about the shrinkage of your brain the last time you were here. however your symptoms have increased at a very alarming rate."
must be nice to talk about it so causally when you're not the one going through it.
"how much time do i have?"
we knew it wasn't curable still mom scolded me for asking such a question.
"two years."
i thought because i had known that it wouldn't effect me so much but that night i locked myself in my room and cried till the sun came up.
you called me so many times and knocked on my window when i came home but i didn't make a sound.
i'm sorry taehyung. i just couldn't tell you i was dying.