Soonhoon || Hozi : Smile Flower [COMPLETED]

Can't let go

Lee Jihoon

"Jihoon, wake up." Neither of getting up and waking up will not do. After having that dream, I want to lay down in my bed forever. 

"Jihoon, I'll just leave--"

"Leave. That's what you're good at, leaving me. Leave me." 

"I'm sorry Ji--"

"Leave!" 

Sluggishly twisting my body facing my drawer on the bedside, there were three beautiful white roses on top of a white envelope. In my inquisitiveness, my arms stretched reaching it out and sadly smile with the flower. I get up carefully opening the cover. As I let out the sheet, what captured my attention were the scattered water drop scattered in the paper. My heart sank when I open the letter and I know this familiar handwriting.

My Jihoonie,

       If you are reading this letter, this time I'm further apart from you. I'm leaving you. 

My chest tightened reading that painful line in the end. 

      You hate hearing it from me. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. You're right Jihoon, I was saying goodbye when you came. I'm a coward. I can't tell these words to you. I'm coward for leaving you without even telling you how sorry I am because you are crying again. I'm a fool telling you not to cry and here I am sending this letter to you.

How can you do this to me?

     That day, Sunday morning, I can't wait that day to come. Excited to treat you on my own and  to celebrate our official date for you. Unforgettable and memorable. I prepared a perfect date for the both of us, a wonderful dinner under the beautiful fireworks in the beach, a night just you and me. It was your dream Jihoon. I want to give that gift but I didn't have the courage to do it.

But my dream that morning was different.

      Tears are falling writing down my confessions I can't hide anymore. Holding the knob, I heard your voice and you were talking to yourself. I think I failed to make you happy Jihoon. I'm not your happiness.  I'm your unbearable sadness. 

That's not true.

      Think of a day, a day where we spent our time laughing and smiling together. You can't remember anything. Because there was nothing. Each day, we are in a horizon of tears and smiles. However, I will never be happy when you're not with me. I can't make you happy, I can't. I will never be the one you need. I am not, I will never be the one to bring back your smile in your face. 

Did you leave because of what you heard?