Soonhoon || Hozi : Smile Flower [COMPLETED]

Fear

"Appa! Appa, don't close your eyes. Appa~"

"I'm not going to close it because it's already close."

"Don't say that. Appa, do not leave me appa!"

"Mianhae, jeongmal mianhae adeul."

"Appa mianhaeyo ~ Kajima, appa!"

"Saranghaeyo."

"Appa!"

When he open his eyeless eyes----I mean his eyes, blurred lines appear in his vision like rustling leaves gracefully dancing in blue breeze. Not only his perception - his life too will soon fall like autumn; it's so strange autumn is beautiful yet everything is dying. He appreciates what he have until it became what he had. Lying in curtained cubical examining the polystyrene tiled ceiling. There was nothing else to look at. Too plain and lifeless to be exact.

And a small voice was heard.

"How are you feeling? Are you fine?"

"J-Jihoon."

"Jihoon is fine. You need recover hyung. Stay, please stay for him."

"I can't promise."

"Hyung." 

The younger supported him and lean his back on the pillow. "Jihoon hyung always read the letter. He really missed you so much."

"He'll forever miss me, Chan."

"Let him see you hyung." He hold his hand lightly, and noticed how his skin promptly turned  pale than his usual complexion, like a ghost to be accurate. 

"I won't let one of you leave. I won't let our SEVENTEEN be broken. I want to stay with you and Jihoon hyung. Death will separate us but I won't let him take you away. I will understand if you can't breathe and fight it. Jihoon will kill himself if you let your cancer kill you."

Eyes were trembling with tears threatening to escape waterfalls until he let it stream in his face.

 "Dino, do you know why I sent that letter to him?"

Tiny beads bit by bit dropped in his hand."Because I'm a fool leaving him after I loved him.  I blame myself because he met a dying person yearning a love before his time. I'm selfish, I'm only thinking about myself, I didn't think of what he will feel when I'm gone." 

Blinking his lashes heavily with tears, he squeezed his eyes and panted deeply. "Acute myeloid leukemia. Now that I'm back in this room, I'm worthless and burden once again under treatments and medications. I got depressed and almost committed suicide. 'Why do I have to suffer when in the end I will still die? Should I just kill myself?' But God lead me into a light. Without hesitation, I followed Him. I got my hopes up to live and saw an angel staring at me - it is Jihoon."

"Hyung." Chan sniffed, roughly wiping the tears. "Are you scared of Jihoon?"

"Yes. I'm scared because I'm leaving him. I'm running out of time and anytime you hear me screaming out in pain and I don't want him to see if this disease attacks out of a sudden. He's happy and smiling without me and I hope when I can't make it, I wish nothing will change. I want you to make him forget everything about me because I know I'm a scar to him."

"You can't tell him to be happy when you are his happiness. Jihoon is living because of you. Can't you do the same?" 

He was wordless with his words. "Stop being being selfish, stop thinking you're a mistake to him. Everything you wrote down in the letter were lies. The only thing that is true is your love for Woozi. You love each other that's why it hurts. No one's fault why you are here. There's a reason in every lessons and whatever might be, you'll be grateful with your decision so please hyung, don't give up."

"You're right." His smile was fragile and he know it is. "I can't blame my dad."

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