Look only to Me

Scene 7

A/N : I guess I'll be focusing to update this fic before moving on to another ones.

On that note.. The updates will slightly slowing for these weeks. Apart from me not feeling well, I also have to do adult things..^^"

****

The last scene between P' Sing and him before they film the festival will be taken today. It was the scene where Kim came uninvited to Kiet's house -which becoming a norm between the two of them- to complain because Rose told him she had a huge fight with Jay over a stupid film. She cried and Kim was so mad because he was helpless, doesn't know what to do to calm his friend. Accepting your love to be in a relationship with another was one thing, letting them cried because they fought is another matter altogether. So Kim bought a pack of beer and drink it with Kiet.

As usual, P' Sing was already there when Krist arrived. The older man always come on time, even earlier than everyone else. He would just slouched in the corner, playing his game quietly as he waits everyone to arrived. Today was just like any other day. Except he wasn't playing with his phone; he was staring at the cigarette between his fingers.

P' Sing looks at it with fascination, like he was hungry and the cigarettes will surely satiate him. He place it to his mouth then, rolling it playfully between his lips. The P' Sing Krist saw in front of him looks like a stranger. No, he knew that young man. He just didn't think that he'll met him. He only ever saw him in the photos, when P' Sing was in bad boy phase (the older man himself confessed that it was a dark era for him).

Krist wonders then. Could it be P' Sing retrace the feeling so he could play the role of Kiet more fully? It would be no wonder Krist thought that P' Sing looks different during the filming. He is so into the role he really became Kiet. Krist feels his chest hurting.

P' Sing looks like he was searching for something. Oh no, he won't. Immediately Krist strode forward and snatched the lighter P' Sing wants to alight the cigarette  between his lips.

"No, Phi!" he seriously scolded the older man. P' Sing look stunned. He sits there without moving, his eyes widened and the mouth open slightly it makes the cigarette to fall on the floor. The older man stares at him unblinkingly. Krist scowled.

"You shouldn't go back to your habit for smoking! You're the one who told me you stopped because it's bad for your health!" he admonished the stilled man. So he continues, "In Sotus you were adamant to not actually smoke, so we had to just lit it up when the camera rolling. It's bad enough that you have to actually smoke in this movie, and now you want to start again?! Honestly!"

He huffed and puffed, ranting and told the older man off without pausing. He places his hands on his waist and a frown makes an appearance on his face. Still, P' Sing didn't say anything.

"Phi? Ooyy, Phi, are you even listening to me?" Krist pouted then, crossing his hands on his chest. He glares at the now chuckling man.

"Yes yes.." P' Sing said simply. It makes him irritated!

So he huffed, grabbing a candy from his pocket, and stuffed it into his senior's mouth. He doesn't care that the older man almost choking because of it. He leaves feeling satisfied.

- - - -

The film set is ready. Cans of beer strewn around on the table. Krist himself was carrying a half empty beer on his hand, situating himself to sit on the floor with body leaning on the old sofa. P' Sing lazed around by laying on the sofa with a book in his hands. Everyone is in position, the camera ready to roll.

"Action!"
.

.

A hiccup. Kim's head lolled to the back, resting on the soft albeit worn sofa. His hair touches Kiet's foot feathery, almost making the older man feeling tickled.

"Ugh.." Kim is murmuring incoherently as he sipped on his fifth beer. His eyes closed as he does it.

"Cut it out will ya?" finally Kiet snapped. The younger man was already here since two hours ago, barging uninvited when all Kiet wants to do is lazed around while finishing his half-read novel.

"I can't help it, okay?!" Kim snapped back. The pout on his mouth was prominent. "If I can do something about it, I'd already done it! Why the hell they had to fight over a stupid film anyway?!" Kim grumbled.

Kiet only rolled his head. The younger man already told him about it, and now he told him again for the third time.

"It's only a character. Fiction!" Kim yelled, balling his hand to a fist and thrust it to the air. Kiet's hand stilled.

"..what kind of movie they watched again?" he asked apprehensively. Kim pursed his lips, trying to remember in his drunken state.

"It was.. Urgh.. I think there's a character who almost died of OD. That's why Jay was upset when she commented about it." Silence. There's no respond from the older man. Which is rare for Kim, because the older man will always make some respond. He tilted his head a bit, staring at the now quiet man. Kiet's gaze look unfocused. His hands stilled, gripping the open book tightly.

"..Phi?" Kim called the older man, who then blinked snapped out of his daze. He looks at Kim, an unreadable gaze.

.

.

P' Sing was supposed to said the next part of the dialogue. But all he does is staring at him unblinkingly. It unnerved him. The look P' Sing gives him was so vulnerable, like he wants to bare everything to him. Like he was afraid, and become helpless.

The older man then took a deep breath, opening his mouth slightly. He closed his eyes for a moment as he exhale his shuddering breath, and then opens his glistening eyes.

"It was me." he said. But all Krist feeling right now is like P' Sing is conveying his deepest secret, and regret. It feels like all this boring life, all of it will simply vanish if his lifeline is gone. The demon of his heart is laid in front of Krist's eyes to see. And now it's Krist's turn to do something about it.

Krist gulped his own saliva. Feeling his lips dry, he licked his lips slowly. His hands reaches to P' Sing's leg, squeezing it tight. Body trembling, Krist forced his body to rise, to sit on the edge of the sofa, all the while still gripping P' Sing's leg.

Because he is afraid that P' Sing will go away if he doesn't touch him in any way.

"I'm sorry.." what he said is not in the script. But there's no director's voice to stop him. The surrounding fades away, he forgets. He forgets where they are. He forgets what they are doing. All he can see, all he can think, is P' Sing's gaze on him.

He can't take it. The feeling he got from P' Sing spilling all around him, making him suffocates. He can't breathe..

A sob. "I'm so sorry.." he shook his head as he whispered. He no longer can stare back at the older man. He lowers his gaze as another sob was wrenched out of him, tears begin to blurring his eyes.

Faintly he can hear the director finally say the word "cut", but he is still crying, spilling his tears to P' Sing's leg.

..how fortunate that after this scene, Kim won't ever talk directly to Kiet again.

****