Look only to Me

Scene 5

A/N : I don't know if Sing could play a guitar or not. Let's just assumed he can't here, at first.

****

He tried to avoid Krist, and he knows that the junior realized it. He doesn't have an excuse though, because Krist was the one who wants them to forget. And he hasn't succeeded yet.

Now he only feels frustrated. Not because of Krist, God it was a given with their situation, but somehow he can't conveyed Kiet's true feeling to his acting. And it shows. The director doesn't say anything though, but he can see that sometimes he stares longer at him, expecting him to do more. He knows they're still training, to prepare them before shooting. But he feels so lacking. More than once he tried to ask, to discuss with the seniors. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't suit him. This Kiet character feel close to him, yet..

"You can try to think about his reasoning when he does certain things." Was the director's first suggestion. Well, he already tried. So he fills his days asking questions to the script writer. It was an eye-opener, that's for sure.

One day, after the long hour talking with the script writer, he came to the workshop with a guitar in his hands. He was the first one to come. So he sat down in the corner and strummed random melody, a melancholy. It seems fitting with the image of Kiet.

He lost himself along the strings of the tunes, remembering that he also talked with the songwriter about the songs they will have to perform. He already heard the demo once. The songwriter promised him he'll get the copy of it by the end of the week. After all, in the story, it was Kiet who wrote them.

"P' Sing?" his strumming immediately stopped, as Krist' s voice pulling him out of his daze. He raised his head up, eyes met with the junior's figure who looks puzzled at him.

"I thought you can't play a guitar." Krist tried to recalled. Sing shrugged. It's true, if you think about three years ago. He started to learn a year ago, for closure.

"I'm still learning." He opted to comment. He plucked the strings again, trying to remember the melancholy song. But Krist stood there, almost unmoving in front of him. He tried to ignore, and what does he get? Krist decided to sit in front of him, watching him play.

"Phi?"

"Hm?"

For a while, the only sound in the studio room is just the melody from Sing's guitar. He doesn't have any intention to start talking today with Krist. Not when he still doesn't know what to do. So it was up for the younger man to decide.

"..When is your graduation day?" Krist asked, breaking the silence. Sing wonders if he should the truth or not. He dreads himself to blurt out unnecessary thing.

"Why?"

"..Can I come?" for the second time today, Sing paused his play. Eyes still glued to the guitar, he hesitated to raise his head to answer his junior.

"I-" the door opened suddenly. Non comes trudging, calling him urgently.

"P' Sing P' Sing P' Sing.. this is your fault." Non said as soon as he sat down beside him. Sing look at him incredulously. "This is your fault for introducing me to this game. I always died in the dungeon!"

"Pfft." Sing tried to hold his laugh. He tried to mask it by coughing. "Ohh.. I thought it was something else."

"This is serious! Oh. Sawasdee, P' Krist." Non looks like he didn't see Krist when he saw Sing as he entered this room. Too busy thinking how to finish the dungeon in the game.

"Alright alright. Show me." Sing relents. If it seems like he tried to ignore Krist.. well, he is sorry he had to do that.

"What game do you two play right now?" Krist wants to join the conversation. Non then answered for him. As Non explained it to Krist, a few more actors came, including P' Mike.

"N' Sing. Come here for a sec." he urged him closer. "I heard you already listen to the demo." He said as soon as Sing sat beside him. The latter nodded.

"I have the cord with me. The songwriter also said you're not bad with your guitar. Do you want to do the recording?" the offer is too good to be true for Sing. As the singer, P' Mike would be the one who sings some of the OST, including the songs the band had to perform. And being able to do the actual recording is an honor for Sing.

"I'd love to! Please let me do it!" he said sincerely. This is the best news he got so far. P' Mike smiled and nodded.

"Good. How about we start practicing tonight? Do you have any schedule after this?" Sing shook his head at this question.

"Oh Phi.. I don't have another schedule beside this movie. So I'm free whenever you want to do it." he promised.

"Alright."

****

"..I got my heart set on anywhere but here

I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands just take the wheel, every glance is killing me

Time to make one last appeal, for the life I lead

Stop and stare

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.."

P' Mike's voice resonating in his ears. They already did the record just two days ago. Sing tried his hardest and even the producer praised him for the job well done as the songs come out perfect. Now if he could only feel it in his whole being..

"Your acting is already good enough." That's what the director said to him yesterday. The workshop has ended. Tomorrow they'll do the photo-shoot. But Sing still feels lacking.

"You should really feel devastated. Kiet felt despaired after his parents passed away, feeling there's no hope and numb he had to resort to do anything to make him feel again. Thinking about your deceased parent, your lost love, every little thing mixed together should help you focus with his character."

He had his Por when Mae died. But the feeling of loss, it still makes him aches to this day, sometimes it's overbearing. If he wasn't strong enough.. if they weren't strong enough..

Sad.. his body began to tremble. He clenched his teeth, hands balled into a fist. He closed his eyes to focus with the feel.

I'm too young to feel like this.. the thought from long ago surfacing. It's out of control.

He gasped.

Everything looks so bleak..

It's getting better. When the years goes by. But at the time it hurts so bad. It feels like his heart was ripped open.

I don't want to feel this way.

He tried to busy himself. he did whatever the world throw at him. Attending the university Mae wants him to, becoming a hazer.

..meeting Krist.

He sobbed.

Even the love he felt after so long, leaving him. The junior moves forward, looking straight ahead. Even though he saw Krist this way. Even though he already feels like he should take care of him more than a Phi should..

My chest hurts..

He clasped his chest, stroking it to ease the pain. It was futile.

I want it to stop hurting..

Just like Kiet.. his Por is his lifeline. Without Jay.. will Kiet still be alive?

He opens his eyes, and smiles wistfully.

****

A/N : the song is "Stop and Stare" by One Republic.

I'm using the same songs from my ff, "I Choose You".