it's been two months since my suicide attempt, and even though my lungs continue to fail, I've never been happier. I know that I don't have much time left to live. I never told grayson this, but the doctors gave me one month. one month before my lungs would crumble from inside of me. one more month before my lungs would stop breathing in harmony with his. I knew I had to tell him, after all, he's the only person who's been there for me the past two months.
I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of my own mind. I'm scared of dying. but what I'm most scared of is falling in love with him. I don't believe in love at first sight, I never did. what I do believe in is falling in love at first sight. It's a process, it always is. I believe that the moment you look into someone's eyes, and feel the rush of adrenaline, you're taking the leap. the leap before the fall.
never look for love. let love find you. it's a reason they call it falling in love. its something unintentional. you don't force yourself to fall. you just fall.
"all done"
I look down at the fresh ink on my wrist, before showing it to grayson.
"a star?" he asks me, looking more confused than ever.
"you hyped me up over a star?"
"it's not just a star you idiot, it has a special meaning"
"and what is that?"
"for a star to be born, there is one thing that has to happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. this might be my end. my collapse. but it doesn't have to be my destruction. it can be my birth into something greater. greater than me. greater than all of us" I blurt out in a smile.
I watch as his confused look turns into a smile, before quickly turning back into a questionable expression.
"what do you mean your end?"
how do you explain to someone that you have one month to live? one month to do all the stuff you'll never get to do.
"my lungs are collapsing grayson. I have one month....if I don't get a transplant in time, well, you get the idea.."
I can feel the tears making its way down my face. calling out for his embrace. but he just stands there. he doesn't talk. he doesn't flinch.
I watch as he turns his back against me, pausing for a second, before sprinting out the front door. and just like that, he's gone.
I exit the store shaking, choking on my own tears as my lungs work overtime gasping for air.
no matter how hard we try, no matter how badly we want it, some stories just doesn't have a happy ending. i realised that today. this could've been a story about epic love. a great tragedy with a greater loss.
"and where do you think you're going?"
I hear a voice behind me as I turn around to see grayson soaking wet from the rain, holding my favourite flowers: orange roses.
it was in that moment I realized; it might still be.
YOU ARE READING
Train Wreck
Fanfictiontrain wreck; the story in which a girl's fate is turned upside down after her encounter with a new face. [You told me to look at the brightest star, and that you would be looking at it too. But perhaps you are the brightest star. Making sure I get t...
