Train Wreck

chapter 11

Our love was a slow burn. It wasn't the way we talked to each other. Sometimes we didn't talk at all.  Sometimes the silence seemed to connect us in ways words never could. Being alone for so long made me fearful of love, but his love was nothing but lightning though my veins, sending sparks with each touch.

"Come on we're almost there".

"Grayson, it's almost dark outside".

"Great, that means we're right on schedule"  He smirks.

I shake my head but continue to follow him along the tree-covered path. We can learn a lot from trees. Trees are forever grounded, yet they never stop reaching for the sky. Trees are poems written by nature, only to be read by the listening heaven. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath as autumn air fills my lungs.

"We're here" Grayson yells from a few feet away.

I open my eyes to see a beautiful scene of leaves dancing in the crimson shade of the sun. In front of me is a beautiful open field, with a tree standing tall right in the middle. Stretching it's arms sky-high.

"Come on, it's almost sundown"  His hand reaches out for mine and I grab it, letting our fingers intertwine. 

We begin walking towards the tree in a steady pace, taking in the mesmerizing view in front of us. We made it just in time to see the shade of crimson fade into a dark blue color, yet again revealing a countless number of stars on the dark canvas. Northern lights appear over us, painting the sky in stories we haven't heard of yet.

Sometimes I wonder why he's still here. I wonder if he's the love of my life, my soulmate or simply a person passing by. You see, only one of the above come into your life by choice. I no longer believe in the idea of a soulmate, or love at first sight. I don't believe that there is this one perfect person out there. But I'm beginning to think that there is one person out there who is perfect for you. I believe that if you're lucky, you'll find someone with flaws that arranged with yours, will allow two separate damaged things to hinge together.

We climb up the old tree, knocking some leaves and sticks down as we go. 

"I thought you said you didn't have any tattoos?"  I point at the marking on the back of his neck, which I caught a quick glimpse of as his hoodie slipped off his back.

"I don't"  He answered, alarmingly fast.

"Then whats that?" I say, as my fingers trace the black lines.

"Well, technically its a tattoo, but I like to think of it as being more than that. You see when people think about tattoos they think of markings u get as a teenager, markings to prove to your parents that you're an adult and that you can do what you want. But, this is more than that. Its like a memory. My only remaining memory of my brother."

"You have a brother?" I ask confused.

"Had" he corrects me.

"He died in a car accident 3 years ago. I was there too... It should've been me."

"What do you mean?" I ask, as I try to move closer to him. I touch his shoulder but he pulls away in a heartbeat.

"Its my fault you know. I had to pick him up from practise, and we didn't have a lot of time. I could see the train coming, and well, it was long train. And so we tried to outrun it. I know its stupid, but we did it anyways. Next thing I know the train hits the back of the passenger side, and swings the car around across the trails. His stomach gets cut open, slit in half. He got surgery and survived, but he got in a coma. He never woke up. His organs eventually failed and we took him off life-support. The only memory I have of him is the look on his face as he gets taken into surgery. Everything else is just..gone. However, we both got this tattoo a week before the accident, and due to that I feel like he's still here with me."

"I - I had no idea.." I stutter. 

 "Why did you get a tattoo of a sun?"

"The sun will rise and we will try again" he answered with a simple smile.

"What?"

"Sometimes, you feel like you want to give up, that you fucked up so bad that there's no going back, and that theres no reason to keep trying. But everyday on earth is a blessing. Every day people die. They get murdered. It didn't feel right to let something as simple as stupid teenage mistakes ruin our lives, when we're still so blessed as to have one. You see, no one ever wants to die. They just want the pain to go away. I want to remember as the sun hits the horizon, that I'm still here, and I will live the life the both of us wanted, until the day I die."

And then it hit me, the brightest smiles hold the greatest sorrows. And the people constantly trying to make others happy, are the ones hiding the strongest pain. Having a broken heart is like having broken ribs. No one can see it, but the pain is unbearable with every breath you take. Time doesn't heal pain, it just teaches you how to live with it.