365

6 - Love and War

School days tend to become fuzzy in our mind, as there were simply too many of them and some days are better forgotten. While most of mine are fuzzy, one day is still etched in my mind after more than a decade. That day was the first in my 7th grade final exam week. It was an unsually cold day. It was the first time I realised that girls are not just boys having long hair and skirt. My world was never the same after that. 

My junior high school had a tradition of mixing students from different classes in major exams. For most students, this shuffle was nothing but a pain, for it made the exams even more nerve-wracking. It never bothered me, however. I did not do anything beside studying, so this shuffle helped me meeting new people. And on that they, I met a girl whom I consider the prettiest one in the whole school. For some reason, I passed the exam with flying colour despite all I can think of was that girl. So I realised I had to do something.

My two friends at that time also developed their crushes on someone. So, as what nerdy guys should do, we sought advices of a classmate who was way more successful in this particular ... field than we did. About this guy: in the time when most boys were blands and awkward in baggy uniforms and messy hair, he wore tailored uniform and had the slickest hair style, which got him into trouble many times. And he was dating the student president. I cannot recall her name nor face, but I still recall her features: pretty, matured, cold, controlling, a very good student, a singer, the princess in the eyes of all teachers, and the idol of all guys that I knew back then. 

After a bit of negotiation, we got the guy talking to us about this "secret" after class. I have vague memory of him talking about pretending to listen, mirroring expressions, pretending not to care and similar stuffs. One thing that I remember clearly is my disagreement with him. I thought all of his tricks create only fabricated love, as the real one must come from the heart, just like what my father always told me when I asked him how he managed to score my beautiful mom.

And the guy, he answered: "Don't be stupid. Love is like war, everything is fair, and everything requires strategies".

Over the next decades, as more things happened to me, some of which I cherished and some of which I preferred to bury, I could not find the answer to this dilemma. Is there a place for strategy in love? Should we be calculating? Should we give in to what our hearts tell us to do? Somewhere along the way, I picked up a saying that being calculating, being cautious is not wrong. On the opposite, it is the ultimate sign of love, because you show that you care enough to think for the best of our partner, to bring the most pleasure to our love. 

So, is love nature or nurture? Does it just "appear", or is it a long term nurturing effort of two people?

...

I should continue my story, at least a bit more. In my 8th grade, our classes were shuffled. As strange as the fate was, the girl whom I met in the exam joined my class. The girl whom my friend fancied joined my class as well. I became the class president. Both me and my friend tried our different approaches. My friend ended up scaring his crush away. I ended up pushing mine away, not knowing her feeling until more than a decade later.

But that's the story for another time.