The Mob Girl (Yogscast Fanfic)

Chapter 11

Alice's P.O.V

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As soon as I left the office, I felt like crying. Duncan, my idol, had been beaten by Hannah, who was trying to help me. I felt disgusting, I held the piece of paper tighter in my hand. Hannah's phone number, she insisted I have it, I had planned on throwing it away but I was still clutching it. Even as I walked home, dusk settling down around me, the tears wouldn't come. I kept my sorrow inside me, that's what I did. That's who I am. I found myself stopping. Looking up from my feet, I noticed the shabby builing in which I called home. I silently walked inside, climbing the stairs  until I reached my flat. I closed the door behind me, the gentle click of the lock echoing into the silence. I walked past everything, I kept walking until I reached my bedroom.

I sat on the edge of the bed, the matress groaning in protest of my weight. Even my matress hated me. I kicked off my shoes and took off my beanie, throwing it into a corner along with my hoodie. I lay in the silence, staring at the drawings that I had taken such care to paint onto the ceiling. I lost myself in memories, unaware of time or anything. Just thinking, until the dark consumed me and the world was black.

I woke with a start, my voice crying out into the empty flat. I ran a hand through my hair and drew my knees to my chest, hugging them as I did so. The heating was luckily on, I sighed into the dim light of dawn, dragging myself up and towards the living room. I picked up a pile of books and opened the first book, fiction. I grunted as I carried it towards the table top and placed it down with a heavy thud. I boiled the kettle and started reading, only moving from my seat to make some coffee.

You really are upset, coffee this early in the morning? The voice in my head whispered, I shrugged in reply. Only casting a glance at the clock. Two thirty. I wasn't bothered. I sipped my coffee and carried on reading. That's how I spent the next two weeks, drinknig coffee instead of tea, not eating, only leaving my place to make coffee or use the bathroom. Maybe pick up a new pile of books or two, I would constantly read. My escape, my life. Finally after two and half weeks, I ran out of books to read. Ran out of coffee and tea. I was screwed. Almost instantly, the events that caused this reading binge hit me. I remembered every detail of it, although I didn't want to. I silently creeped into the bathroom.

 

A pulled out a wooden box from a cabinet next to the sink and shook as I opened it. Inside, five razor blades glittered. I stared at them, the blades edge only a few centimeters away from my flesh. I shivered, it wouldn't do. Not for what I was planning, I swiftly moved into the kitchen, grabbing the biggest knife I could find.I looked at its edge. I ran my finger along its length and drew in a sharp breath as it sliced through my skin easily.

 

No more pain, no more, no pain. The voice whispered in my head, I knew it was right. I didn't want to feel anymore, I didn't mind the thought of being dead. It would be better than the life I had right now. Something stopped me from just going for it. I pulled my cell out of my pocket and dialed in the number that I had learnt off by heart. Hannah's number. The phone rang twice before she picked up.

 

"Hello?" She asked, I almost chocked, it was so good to hear her voice. But not enough to heal me, I nearly broke down then and there.

"It's me Hannah." I whispered.

"Alice? What's happening, you haven't called or texted, nothing from you!" She cried, I chuckled half heartedly. My hands shaking as I as felt the tears pour down my cheeks, I had to say it. Had to say before the pain became too much to bear. This was the dignified way of doing this, this was the only way out.

"Tell everyone I'm sorry." I chocked, my throat becoming tight as I forced the words to come out. I thought of those that I would acctually miss once I'd gone. Sjin, Hannah and Duncan. The people I never got to tell how I feel about them. I let more tears run down my cheeks and I gripped the blade tighter in my fist. I felt blood pour from the wound that was carved into my skin, it wouldn't matter for much longer.

"What are you talking about? Alice, tell me what's happening!" She yelled, I heard somebody murmering in the background, Lewis I guess. I think I'd miss all of the Yogs, despite that fact that I didn't watch all their channels, I would still miss them but I wouldn't miss the pain.

"This is....this is my goodbye Hannah." I sobbed, the words sticking in my throat. But I had to tell her at least. I had to at least say my goodbye to Hannah. She started to yell something but I closed the phone, shutting off the call. I opened my fist and stared at the blade, now covered in my blood. The essence of life, the forbidden wine. Call it what you will.

Slowly I lifted my shaking hands up to my wrists, I placed the tip of the razor just over my artery and dug in. Pushing it in until I felt a satisfying spray of blood on my face, I dragged it through my wrist and repeated it on my other wrist. Spots danced before me, darkness crept into the corners of my vision. I breathed freely for the first time in forever, letting my body enjoy it's last taste of the gases that made up the air before my limbs went weak and I collapsed. My last vision being the crimson pool creating a sharp contrast on the white tiles.......