Keeping Pushing

chapter 7

This time Stef didn't bang down the door. This time she went to her own room and grabbed the bunch of keys she kept in a drawer and unlocked Callie's door. She wasn't sure what she'd find Callie doing inside but her gut told her that it wouldn't be something dangerous and she was right. She found Callie sitting on her bed and ripping up a notebook to shreds. "There are going to be consequences for that," Stef said walking towards the girl. Callie looked up at her waiting for more deail. "I don't know what yet but it's coming," Stef assured. She hadn't competely thought this through. What could she do? Callie was already basically grounded for a couple weeks and she really didn't want to take away the girl's phone because she had a habit of running. So what was left. She decided that Lena at figuring that out. Stef just wanted to shake the girl and knock some sense into her but that definitely wasn't an option. Instead, Stef reached out for the notebook in Callie's grasp and salvaged what was left of it. There weren't too many pages left but Stef could tell that it was an essay. She knew that Timothy often had his students write essays about real situations and if this was one of them she knew it would be good, and from the way that Callie was destroying it, probably one that could give them some answers. Stef diverted her eyes to the pages already torn. Most of them were only torn in two or four pieces and Stef wondered if she would if she be able to put it back together. Lena walked into the room then and Stef went to her. "Are you okay?" Stef asked her as she guided Lena onto Mariana's bed. "I'm fine Stef. I promise." Lena assured. She knew she was just going to have to bare with Stef fussing over her for awhile at least. "What's going on here?" She asked trying to move the focus off of herself. "We need to come up and with a consequence for Callie." Stef said. "She locked herself in her room again." Lena looked over at Callie to judge her reaction but Callie just fidgeted with the pieces of paper lying around her. "What's that?" Lena asked as she got up to go to Callie. Stef went with her as well and Lena fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Was this your english homework?" Lena continued.  Callie still didn't answer and so Lena thought of something that would keep them all would keep them all together but still doing individal activitites. Ten minutes later Stef and Callie were at the kitchen table with work spread out in front of them and Lena was busy making dinner. There were only going to be the three of them so Lena just made some grilled chicken and mashed potatoes and a salad. Stef was busy writing a report that she hadn't been able to finish eariler, but would constantly look up at Lena to make sure that she was okay and Callie was sitting there, not writing a new essay for English. "Need some help?" Lena asked her gently."No," Callie said. "What's the topic?" Lena question. Callie remained silent. One thing about Timothy's essays was that if you didn't want anyone to read it then you were allowed to keep it to yourself so long as you actually wrote something. The only reason Callie ever wrote her true feelings at all was because of this fact and she wasn't comfortable sharing anything with Stef or Lena either. "It's fear" Lena stated more than asked as she studied Callie's face. She had figured out the topic as she went through Callie's last essay but she still hadn't figured out the contents. "Is there something you're afraid of?"Lena continued when Callie said nothing. "Would you tell us what it is?" Callie still don't say anything. She wanted to tell Lena to just leave her alone becuase she didn't want them to know what she was really afraid of but after what she had already done to Lena she was too afraid to do anything. "Why don't we have dinner and then you can try again." Lena suggsted. She wanted Callie to open up to them but she didn't want to push her. She didn't want Callie to go back to being defient because then Stef would inervene and they would both loose it. It was during the dinner with some light conversation between Stef and Lena that the other kids got home. "Hey moms." Jesus said as he plucked a cherry - tomato out of the salad bowl. "You jsut ate two burgers Jesus." Jude said in disgust. "How can you eat anything more?" Jesus just laughed "it's a talent dude." He said. Jude sat down at the table to join his family but didn't want to eat a bit. Mariana was the only one who became increasingly engrossed in some mail on the counter between the kitchen and the breakfast nook.  A moment later Brandon and Mike entered and Stef and Lena go up to talk to him. "Thanks so much for this." Lena said sincerely to Mike when they had walked out of earshot but still in sight of the kids. "sure no problem. It was fun." Mike replied with a smile. "Everything okay here?" He asked. "We're fine." Stef said. "How much was dinner." "What?" Mike asked with a laugh. "Mike, you don't have to feed all my kids." Stef tired to agrue. "It was fine Stef. "you've got great kids and I really enjoyed myself." Mike answered. "Thanks Mike." Stef said as she realized that her and Mike had never been this close even when they were married. It made her realize all the more, just how much her lack of acceptance of who she really was, hurt Mike. He was a good man and he deserved better. she really hoped that Dani would be the one for him despite her previous mistakes. "Well I got to get home." Mike said as he walked towards the door. "Got the early shift tomorrow." They walked Mike to door and waited til he got into his car and then they headed back to their kids. Stef and Lena raced up the stairs when they found their daughters were no longer in the kitchen. "How could you?" Callie was yelling right at Mariana's face when Stef opened the door. "I trusted you." Stef went over to Callie to grab her and pull her away from Mariana. She had never seen Callie so angry before and it scared her. "I'm sorry." Mariana said with tears in her eyes. "I wanted them to help you." "They don't care about me!" Callie yelled with so much force that her body shuddered. "They don't care about any of us. Why do you think she wants a baby." She tired to shrug off Stef's hold but was unsuccessful. "CALLIE!" Lena yelled as the realization hit her. The baby was the reason Callie was so upset. She was the reason that Callie was so upset. "Even if they do love you, you'll never really be theirs." Callie said in a much softer yet much more emotional tone, competely ignoring Lena. Lena felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She turned towards Mariana hoping that the girl didn't believe what she had just been told but the look on her face told Lena that the words had hurt. Lena began to step towards Mariana to comfort her when she heard a son behind her. She turned around to see her three sons standing in the hall watching the scene. All of them with grim faces and the two younger ones with tears in their eyes. Lena didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to comfort them or prove to them that they were the world to her. She didn't know how to do that because she wondered if it was, in fact, a lie. Was Callie right? Would this baby end up being more important to her than her other five children? Lena silently walked out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door. She couldn't bare to see their hurt faces any longer.