Keeping Pushing

chapter 1

Callie had taken the first step towards trusting Stef  and Lena but she was still far from the end. Over the next few weeks she began to talk to them more and she hadn't hurt herself since that first day after the wedding. None of this meant however, that she didn't still feel scared sometimes. Sometimes she felt the need to hurt herself just to let some of that fear out but she chose, instead, to talk to whichever of the two adults available at the time and they, in turn made sure that at least that one of them was  always available and kept assuring Callie that she was loved. The time for Callie to take the second step came when Stef and Lena announed that Lena wanted a baby. Callie had played it cool and just like her siblings she had shown enthusiam and support at the idea of a new baby but deep down she couldn't help but feel she wasn't good enough. Stef had connection with Brandon that nothing could ever break and now Lena wanted that too. Callie realized though that she had to be extremely careful about her feels - she didn't want to pass her worries onto Jude or even Mariana and Jesus for that matter. At least the twins were already adopted but things were still up in the air for her and Jude. She promised herslef that she wouldn't share her fears with him but she was also determined to keep him an eye on him just in case he started to feel unwanted. Callie became a little more reserved after the announcement of the baby but made sure she still talked to Stef and Lena enough to keep their gaurd down. This new plan worked well for another couple of weeks until Callie found out she couldn't be adopted. She had put on a happy face and supported Jude as he was made a member of the family but secretly harbured the feeling of sunddenly being entirely alone. That night the need for release some of the hurt was overwhalming. It had been long enough for Stef and Lena to be less ridged about clearing the bathroom of anything sharp and nocking on the doors whenever Callie was in there for more than a few minutes and it wasn't hard for Callie to find a discarded razor. She smashed the plastic by slamming a drawer on it and carefully pulling out all three blades. Stef and Lena were completely thrilled about the prospect of having a baby and with all the other things that were going on their days were pretty busy. Besides regular work there was the quest for Robert Quinn and the doctor's checkups for Brandon. Jesus was back on his pills and his body was still getting use to it and Mariana was going through a crisis of her own and was trying desperately to fit in with a particular group of girls that resluted in her trying to be something that she wasn't. Jude, as usual, seemed to be the only one without any drama. With all this going on they had eventually cut down on the bathroom checks and the checkups on Callie to make sure that she wasn't hurting herself. She seemed to be opening up more and they took that as a sign that they could lossen up the ropes on her a bit. This was a decision that they would later learn to regret.