"So, any name ideas?" I asked Asmoday. He snorted. "Look, we know nothing as of now...and if you are...don't get attached. That thing will rage for two weeks and then self destruct. Why name a burden?" "You are so fucking difficult sometimes." "I'm just being honest, (y/n)." he replied. "I think it's been two minutes." I said, standing up. He watched me move from my bed to the nightstand. "Ready?" I asked. "Like I have much choice. Go ahead, tell me what it says." I smugly flipped over yet another pregnancy test...and much to my dismay, it read negative. "Okay, what did you do?" I asked, placing a hand on my hip. "I did absolutely nothing." he replied. "Then why is this test wrong?" He raised an eyebrow. "Wrong?" he asked. "I don't even know what the fuck that means." "It says negative." I had his attention for sure. "Does it now? I told you, (y/n)." he breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't get it." I compared it to the others and they all said negative now. I shot a sharp look at Asmoday. "Woah, if looks could kill I'd be pushing daisies right now. What is it this time?" he asked. "Why are you playing games? I mean if you hate the idea of me getting pregnant with you so much, just tell me." He looked confused. "I didn't say that." "Well you whiting out the second line on these tests tells me you were thinking it." "I didn't do that. Really, I haven't done a thing to any tests." he said. "You are out of your mind, (y/n)." I considered that he might be right for a moment. "I don't get it, but I don't like it. Something isn't right. These were all positive the other day. I swear they were." I realized how emotional I was getting and how uncomfortable it must be making Asmoday. I decided that now would be the best time to storm out and think. I passed by Dark who was perched in the kitchen, reading something. "Let me bum a smoke, Dark, I'm not pregnant after all." he handed me one without hesitation before a weird look swept over his face. "Wait, what?" he asked, but I had already walked outside. I wasn't alone or long. Dark perched himself on the balcony and hastily demanded an explanation. "Not. Now." I said. He stared me down. "Go." I said, pointing. Like a freshly scolded dog, he slinked away, looking back at me here and there. I took a long drag of my cigarette and nearly lost a lung. It's been ages since I've tasted one of these things, and now I remember why. Yuck. I sat in silence. Why do I care so much? I didn't want to be pregnant. I should be celebrating that Asmoday was right, but I feel like shit instead. I felt a presence behind me and turned to see Asmoday. "You alright?" he asked. "You seem like a whirlwind of emotions right now." "I'm fine, Asmoday." I replied. "You should be, too." "I'm fine...I'm not so convinced that you are. What's going on?" "I haven't quite figured that out." I replied. "I'm glad you're not pregnant...at least not by me...that would've been catastrophic." "Are you sure?" I asked. "Positive. I'm not glad that you're so bummed out though. I feel like you owe me a bit of an explanation." he said, waving a trail of smoke away from his face. He sat beside me expectantly and no matter how hard I ignored him, he wouldn't budge. "I just thought it'd be great to have a kid...with you." "Ask Lilith how that works out." he said, half joking. I was in no laughing mood. "Look, it wasn't my intention to make you fall for me...I'm sorry." I looked over at him and saw deep sincerity. "It will never work." he said. I knew that, but I needed to hear it again. "I love you, (y/n), but not like that." "Alright, alright, I get it. Don't rub it in." I said, looking away. "This still doesn't explain what happened with those stupid tests. I swear, they were positive..." "Maybe you thought they were. I assure you, I changed nothing. I wouldn't do that. I'm no fraud." I believed him. Maybe paranoia fucked with my vision...maybe my head isn't as screwed on properly as I thought. "Want is a powerful emotion. We believe things we want to be true when they aren't sometimes." I sighed. "What can I do to make you feel better?" Asmoday asked. "Stick around and be my man. You're so much better than...everyone." he laughed. "You've seen one side of me." he said. "One side of you is better than all the sides of anyone else." "So you think." he replied. "I just wish there was someone just like you up here for me. I'm getting tired of feeling alone." "Well, there is this one guy I know. He looks basically exactly like me, he has a bit of an attitude problem, but it's manageable...he lives around here, too. Matter fact, this might just be his place." I rolled my eyes. "That isn't gonna work. As much as I wish it could, it's stupid to even entertain the idea." "Worth a shot. He's as close to me as there is, and personally I think you two look great together." I thought about it. "Yeah, no. That's not an option. Guess I'm just stuck between two demons I can never have." he looked a bit hurt. "You're my runner up..." he said. "Great, the runner up in a game I can't play again. The default loser, but the best loser in the bunch. I'm honored." my crippling sarcasm did a number on Asmoday who just sighed. "If you can think of anything I can do to help, let me know." he said, disappearing as if he was never there. I realized once again that I'd become hopelessly in love with someone I can never have. Totally stoked when I thought he had gotten me pregnant despite the fact that I don't want kids now, and it would've essentially ruined the world. I've become the delusional, lovesick hot mess of a woman I always claimed I hated. Spending my time pining over someone to the extent that I'm pissing away our close friendship. I sighed. "I am pathetic." I muttered. "Not pathetic, just apathetic. Welcome to the apathetic being's club. I'm in charge." I turned to see Dark. "What was that all about? If anyone is going to make Asmoday roll his eyes like that, it's gonna be me." I shied away from rehashing the ordeal. "Are you two getting along?" he asked. "Of course we are, I'm just...dealing with some stuff." "Obviously if you're calling yourself pathetic. You're not, by the way." "You have no idea." I replied. "I don't, but you can tell me anything." "Anything but this, Dark." He looked at me curiously. "Now I have to know." he said. "Don't pry, Dark, it's nothing. I'll get over it." I headed inside with Dark on my heels. "If you won't tell me, dad will." he said, brushing by me. "Unlikely." I replied, flopping onto the couch. It didn't take long for Asmoday to pop up beside me. "Think of anything?" he asked. I shook my head. "I'm sorry." I said softly. "For what?" he asked. "Making things weird." "You made a mistake. It happens, I'm not upset." "That's not what I meant. It's for...falling...and not stopping myself from letting it become an issue." he paused and thought for a moment. "It's not like you're wrong for doing it. I'm pretty awesome." His humor did nothing for me this time around. "Not even a smile?" he asked. "Come on, you have such a pretty smile." I stayed quiet. "Look, it's not a problem. It happens...I don't feel the same way so nothing bad is gonna happen. You'll understand at some point. I promise. I know where you're at. Are you forgetting my first marriage? I pined over a certain someone for so long then. All I got was a tease. Then I literally left society for a long fucking time and had nothing and no one." "Your story has a happy ending, though. You got your girl. My story has no happy ending at all." I said softly. "Maybe not now. Just wait it out...you'll forget all about how you feel right now in a short while." We were quiet. "Just hug me and tell me a story." He let me curl up on his chest. "I'm not one for stories." he replied, thoughtfully. "Tell me more about you." I said, looking up at him. He sighed. "There is really not much to know. I've spent about half my life a hot mess in the middle of nowhere in a world beyond your comprehension." "Sounds like a good story to me." I replied. He looked at me. "It's really not." I frowned. "How about your life before that?" he looked visibly uncomfortable. "Let's not go there. Sore spot." Now I had to know. "Come on, it can't be that bad." I said. "Well, it can be and is. I don't wanna bore you with some dumb sob story." "Trust me you won't." He sighed. "You are persistent. I appreciate persistence. Fine then, I'll tell you everything, but don't get all pissy when you find out I'm strange and boring at the same time."
