Only One For Me (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Part IV

Kyungsoo

Although the tension between my family and I had never really been resolved, I figured it was still important for me to make an effort with them. My parents were helping with a lot of our living and school expenses, so until I was able to be financially independent, I knew it was best to just play the part of a willing son.

We were surrounded by a tense, awkward silence as we sat around the dining room table. I really didn't know what to say and evidently, no one else did either. I hated that things had become that way, but I couldn't put all of the blame on myself. It wasn't like they had made any efforts to talk to me. For a while, I though they didn't see the tension that had developed in our relationships with each other as a sign that something was wrong. The more I thought about it, however, I figured out it wasn't that at all. They were perfectly aware of the problems in our family and they refused to address them. Either that or they were too afraid to. We were definitely family in that sense. 

My mom finally spoke up and broke the silence about ten minutes into the meal. "So, Kyungsoo, how is school going? You haven't told much about it," she said, plastering on one of those smiles I supposed she thought would make all of us feel better. 

"It's good, yeah," I said shortly, nodding and briefly glancing at her. "Classes are a little harder than I thought they'd be, but I'm still doing well, I think."

"That's not surprising. You've always done well in school, even with things your peers found difficult," she replied. That was typical: complimenting me to assure me they still cared about me enough to recognize my strengths. I just smiled at her briefly before looking away. Things got quiet again until she cleared her throat and spoke again. "Your brother is doing well, too. He's looking into an internship at your dad's firm for next semester. Isn't that right?"

I moved my eyes toward Suho but not my head. He hummed and nodded affirmatively. "I still think it would look better if I went somewhere else, but he insisted," he said, and I sensed a little bitterness in his voice. 

"Why wouldn't it look good?" my dad questioned. "We're one of the top law firms in the country. Do you know how many aspiring lawyers would kill for a shot to shadow us, let alone have an internship?"

Suho exhaled roughly. "I get that, but my dad being one of the partners at the firm might make it look like I didn't work hard enough to get the internship."

"But you did. You worked very hard to be considered. Besides, I don't even know how handles internships there, but they clearly saw something in you." He cleared his throat as he lifted the napkin from his lap to wipe the corners of his mouth. "Any foot you can get in the door in this field will help you regardless of how you opened the door, so I think you should focus on the positive parts of this rather than trying to find the bad parts."

Sighing again as he looked away, Suho just nodded. "Yeah, you're right," he said quietly. I looked at him for a moment more, actually feeling a sense of sympathy for him. When it came to our dad, I guess we both had to play our parts.

:::::::

After an almost painful dinner, I went out back to call Kai. I sat down in one of the chairs, pulling my phone out of my back pocket beforehand. I turned it on and opened our recent messages, pressing the phone icon at the top of the screen. It started ringing when I pressed it up against my ear. My eyes wandered around as it kept ringing, eventually going to his voicemail. I sighed as the robot operator told me my options, but I decided to just hang up. 

"Mind if I join you?" I heard Suho's voice from behind me and spun around right as he was stepping outside. I shook my head silently before turning back around. He let out a heavy sigh as he sat next to me on my right. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pull a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his jacket pocket. He caught watching him as he pulled one out. "Don't tell mom," he said before placing it between his lips and lighting it. He inhaled and then blew out the smoke a moment later, now looking almost relieved. He glanced over at me. "Was that Kai?" he asked.