Only One For Me (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Part V

Kai

Taemin's little lecture actually seemed to have some kind of effect on me. Over the next day or so, I thought about how I could make more of an effort in my relationship with Kyungsoo. I knew I wasn't quite ready to open up about every emotion had I ever felt yet, but that was still no excuse to stop trying, right?  

Figuring it was best to start simple, I left the studio early one day and decided to stopped off at the store to get some things to cook dinner with. I knew he would still be gone for a couple of hours when I got home, so I decided to take a quick shower before I started cooking. I had some music playing softly in the background and was just starting to plate things when I heard the front door unlock. Kyungsoo walked in a moment later, his eyes going wide in surprise when he saw me standing in the kitchen. 

"You're back early," he said, glancing down as he slid his shoes. "Did you not have a lot of classes today?"

"No, the usual classes ran today. I just asked if I could leave early," I admitted, feeling a little embarrassed for some reason as more surprise appeared on his face. "I just, um...it's been a while since we just spent time together, so I thought dinner...u-unless you have other plans today?"

"No, no, I don't." He shook his head and walked farther into the apartment. "I just wasn't expecting this, that's all. Dinner sounds nice." He smiled faintly at me, which made me smile back. I missed seeing him smile at me. "Let me just get changed. I've been walking around campus all day." 

I just hummed and nodded, watching as he carried his backpack into our bedroom. I turned around when he disappeared behind the wall, taking a deep breath and trying to calm myself down. I didn't know why I felt so anxious all of a sudden. It wasn't like this was our first date. It made me realize just how much time I had spent inside my own head.

Kyungsoo came back out a few minutes later right as I was setting up the table, wearing more comfortable-looking clothes. "I hope this isn't a fancy dinner. I couldn't stand to be in those jeans any longer," he said as he sat down at the table. 

"When have you ever known me to do anything fancy?" I replied, earning a soft laugh from him, a sound I missed hearing so much. I went back into kitchen to turn the light on, which helped to brighten the small dining area. He waited to start eating until I sat down next to him. 

"Mm, this is good," he commented after chewing his first bite of food. "I missed your cooking.:

I smiled somewhat shyly and finished chewing. "Yeah, sorry I've been so busy lately," I said. "She's letting me teach more classes by myself now. I think things will even out once I finally get certified."

"Wasn't she going to retire? I thought that's why she started helping you with your certification."

"Yeah, she is, but I guess Taemin is considering sticking around and not going back to school, so she offered to help him get certified now, too."

He paused for a moment and then slowly began to nod his head. "And his dad is okay with that decision?" he asked, glancing back down at his food before he took another bite. 

I swallowed my bite before I spoke. "I can't imagine he's thrilled, but I'd assume he likes it better than Juilliard. Even the best of the best there have trouble making it in the industry after graduation. At least teaching is a sure thing."

"I guess," he said, and I noticed how his voice got a little quieter. 

"You know you don't have anything to worry about with him, right?" I said, making his eyes connected with mine.

"I know," he replied after a while, briefly turning away. "I just freak myself out when I think about it sometimes. But I trust you." He smiled at me again, and I faintly smiled and nodded back.

"So, how are classes this semester?" I asked, deciding it was best to change the subject. 

"Oh, they're good," he answered. "I can tell they're getting more difficult, but I guess that's to be expected. I don't think I'm failing anything yet."

"I would very surprised if you did. You're pretty much a genius."

He rolled his eyes a little in response, a small grin pulling on the corners of his mouth. "You sound like my mother," he said.

"Well, if she thinks that then she must know what she's talking about," I shot back, earning another gentle laugh from him. He went again almost instantly afterward, though, and I took note of how his face had fallen a little. 

"Speaking of my parents..." he started slowly, setting his chop sticks down and laying his hands on his lap before looking at me. "...I may have kind of come out to them the other day."

"What?" I said in shock. I didn't think he'd have the courage to tell them so soon.

"Yeah, they visited me at school and I took them for lunch and just told them," he explained. "I wasn't planning on it...it was kind of just a spur of the moment kind of thing. Like I kept thinking we couldn't truly start to fix things between us if I was still lying about who I was."

I sat my utensils down to and laid my hands on the table. "Well, what'd they say?"

He sighed and glanced down. "They weren't thrilled obviously, but they said they kind of figured it out. They tried to talk me into talking to a therapist and even starting suggesting single girls they knew, but even as they were saying it, I think they knew it was no use."

"Wow," I said with a light exhale. "Well, at least it was a better a reaction than you were expecting, right?" He nodded his head as his eyes connected with mine again. "So, does that mean they know about us?"

"Well...not exactly," he said, that guilty look coming over his face. Moving my eyes around, I slowly nodded my head. "I'm not ashamed or embarrassed if that's what you're thinking," he went on, quickly placing his hand on top of mine. "I just didn't want to overwhelm them, you know? I'm sure they're barely coping with me being gay, so I figured it would be best to give them a little more time before I told them we were dating."

I cleared my throat and put on a smile. "Yeah, no, that...that makes sense," I said. 

He stared at me for a moment. "I will tell them, I swear," he said, trying to reassure me I supposed. I just widened my smile and held his hand. 

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I doubted him. 

Kyungsoo

After his reaction, I felt bad. When I had made up my mind about coming out, I had every intention of letting go of all of my secrets. But then I saw my parents' reactions. Their faces alone scared the secret of our relationship back into the dark. I didn't want them to hurt Kai or threaten our life together in any way. But I knew there would be a strain on our relationship as long as I was financially bound to my parents. 

That was why I was surprised to see him still making so much of an effort after I told him the truth. It was like he had this abrupt burst of energy and suddenly, we were going on dates again and texting and calling each other throughout the day like we would when we were in high school. Logically, I was telling myself it was because he had more free time now, but deep down, I hoped it was because he was finally opening up to me more.

One day after we woke up and made breakfast together, we decided to go see a movie and grab an early dinner afterward. I still found myself doing most of the talking during the meal, but I would have been lying if I said I didn't miss the face he made when he was just listening to me, the one he made when he was completely present, the one that made me think the wall between us was really starting to come down. 

The way he kissed me when we got home made my heart race the exact same way it did when we shared our first kiss. The way he gently touched my skin as we made our way back to the bedroom reminded me of the first time he touched me, leaving my entire body feeling warm and tingly. The way we made love made me feel stupid for ever questioning his feelings for me. But what really made me think we were making progress was the way he held me so tightly afterward, like he never wanted to let me go. 

I was almost feeling brave enough to say he was starting to trust me.