swallows- soulmate au

three

Alex doesn't know about this place yet.
It's 11:31pm. It's dark and cool, but the city lights spread out like a carpet below my balcony and I am calm. My balcony is much bigger than most on this apartment block, with enough room for two deckchairs and the plants I can't keep indoors anymore. I'm not sitting, though. I'm leaning against the railings, watching the ash fall from the blunt in my hand and taking long drags every so often. I don't smoke- I can't afford it and it's a waste of time, in all honesty. But I found a little baggie a few weeks ago and decided it'd be worth it one day, so I saved it for when I really needed it. I really need it now.

12:04am. Mochi has materialised out of  nowhere and is reclining in one of the deckchairs. I'm still thinking. My mind's a mess, has been since I was a little girl, but it's been so much worse lately. Everything I'm feeling is new and confusing and quite frankly it hurts. I tap the ash from the blunt again, watching it fall and burn out. Mochi goes back inside. I think. What's been causing all this? Why am I so sad all the time? More importantly, what's been causing this new feeling?
I've had it twice now. The first time I walked Alex to the apartment and when I noticed my blouse was undone. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before- like being drunk for the first time, forbidden and exciting but warm and fuzzy inside. I make a mental note to visit a professional. I think some more.
I let my mind wander.
Where do I wanna be once I graduate?
All of a sudden I see the usual picture, the beautiful little house in a foreign country with a dog and lots of houseplants and Mochi relaxing in front of the wood burner and my wife-
My wife.
Usually I don't see a specific person when I think of my future wife, but this time it's-
No.
I take a last drag of my blunt, stub it out, and head indoors.
12:59am.

I wake up to a new smell drifting through my apartment.
I stand up groggily and head to where the smell is coming from. I enter the kitchen and see Alex, and I'm not sure if I'm still dreaming or not.
She's still wearing the hoodie I lent her last night, and knee-high socks with fuzzy grey slippers. She's making pancakes- god knows how she found all the ingredients but she's made several so far and she's laid all my favourite toppings out on our breakfast bar.
When she turns around, her dark hair is a mess and there's flour all over her face. "Morning Izzy. I'm making pancakes."
"I can see that." I stumble into the kitchen and stab at the espresso machine tiredly. "How'd you know what I like on my pancakes anyway?"
"Oh, this is just what I'd have. Why?"
I stare at her. I'm still not awake yet. "These are all my favourites. Why are we the same person?"
Alex smiles at me. I still don't feel real. "I don't know. Come help me eat all these, there's loads."

I take a seat at the breakfast bar and chug my coffee. Almost immediately I'm more awake- and aware of the time. My eyes dart over to our school timetables, both of which are now blu-tacked to the wall. "Alex, holy shit! You have a lecture in 2 hours?"
"Cool." She sits down and fills a pancake with strawberries and cream. "If I finish these quickly enough I'll get there in plenty of time. It's okay."
I check my timetable. Thankfully I only have one lecture today, an hour or so after Alex's starts, but I have an hour of scheduled French revision right after it. I relax and shove toppings onto my first pancake- golden syrup, sugar, lemon, and cinnamon. Alex looks at me weirdly but says nothing. "Don't judge my exquisite tastes." I shove most of it into my mouth. "Mmf- jeshush, thish ish good."
Alex laughs. "Table manners, please. And thank you!"
I flip her off and finish my pancake, quickly putting together another one with strawberries and cream. Mochi yells at me from under the table and Alex hands him a really small pancake. He takes it and sprints away. We giggle knowingly at him and continue eating in silence. After a while I finish my fourth pancake and stand up. "I'm going for a shower. Go get yourself ready for school."
"You're not my mum." Alex scowls at me then laughs.
"Okay, fine. If you go to lectures wearing that hoodie everyone will think you're shagging me."
"Oh god no. I'm asexual." She stops for a minute and looks me up and down. "You're pretty cute though. I'm keeping the hoodie."
"It's not really your aesthetic but okay." I wave and turn towards the shower, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.

Alex just called me cute.
How is she so forward?

-

It's 6pm.
I'm finally home after staying behind to help tidy up after class, my usual procedure. I also made a little stop on the way home to get Alex a little gift. I push open the door and find the place surprisingly quiet, save for the little yellow lamp I have in the living room. I take my shoes off, hang up my coat and tiptoe in as quietly as possible.
She's in there, getting her washing from the clothes-horse behind the sofa. She's stood in just her pyjama bottoms and a vest, and I know I shouldn't be staring but I can't take my eyes away. I'm looking for one thing in particular. As she turns away, I catch a glimpse of something on her left collarbone.

Shit.

Her tattoo is on her left collarbone.

I pray to God it isn't a swallow and push the door open properly.
With inhuman speed, Alex grabs my hoodie and pulls it over her head. "I'm just sorting the washing for you. Welcome back!" Her voice is happy as usual, but shaky. I pretend I saw nothing.
"Hey, Alex. I got you something on my way home."
I fetch my rucksack from the sofa and hand her a little paper bag. She grins and pulls out a little keychain with a moon-shaped charm and a little metal disc imprinted with the sign for Virgo.
"I got us matching star sign keyrings. I figured since I remembered your birthday I might as well. And they're cute as hell, right?" I show her mine- a star-shaped charm and a Pisces one. She smiles really big. "They're so cute. Thank you!!"
Before I know it, she grabs me and pulls me in for a hug. She's the perfect height for me- her head's resting comfortably on my chest and I can lean down and bury my face in her hair pretty easily. I panic for a second- maybe I'm being too forward, what if she doesn't like being held like this?
She makes a small happy noise and hugs me tighter, then pulls away, her hands still gripping the fabric of my shirt. "Love you Iz!"
I watch her as she heads happily into her bedroom with the keychain.
I can't feel my legs.

Suddenly, I'm on the floor, and I'm shaking like hell.

Why does she make me feel like this?