swallows- soulmate au

four

It's early in the morning, the sun's just starting to stream through my white curtains and my alarm hasn't gone off yet. All my classes are cancelled today, so I lie thinking for a while, pondering on what my life is like. It's been three weeks since Alex moved in with me. Over the course of those weeks she's been a huge help with the chores and taking care of Mochi, but something's seriously wrong with her. I've known for a while about her mental illnesses, but this isn't a product of anxiety or depression- this is something else entirely. Something she won't tell me about. I know it's not my duty to know everything about her, but this is just wrong. It's hard to watch her at dinner time, as she sits down opposite me and refuses to look at me, all I wanna do is scoop her up into my arms and hold her until everything's okay again.
And I've finally embraced those thoughts.

After about 10 minutes I drag myself out of bed and to the kitchen. Alex's classes are cancelled too, neither of us are quite sure why, but it means we get a free day to ourselves- something we haven't had in a while. Normally by now on a free day she'd be up making breakfast or lying on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle and cuddling Mochi, but as I shuffle into the kitchen she's nowhere to be seen. I chalk it up to her having a lie-in and make myself a coffee. I watch the clock tick as I sip it, trying to divert my mind from thoughts I'd rather not be thinking. By the time I've finished it it's 11am and still no sign of Alex. I decide to go to her room- I don't usually do this, it's an invasion o privacy and I don't like doing it, but since she'd rather sleep than spend time doing things I feel like I need to. I do a quick check of the whole house first, and when I don't find her I head to her room and silently open her door.

Nothing.
She's gone.

I notice a piece of paper on her bed, so out of curiosity I pick it up and read. Her handwriting is messy and something has dripped on the paper, causing little smudges and stains. I feel my stomach sink when I realise they're tears. I read through the paper-
"I need some time away. It's nothing you've done, it's all me. I'm sorry.
-a
p.s. if you really want to come find me, you know where I am."
My hands are shaking. I drop the paper and flop down on her bed, tears streaming down my face. I'm not sure why I'm crying. But it's the bad kind of crying, the one where your whole body shakes and you can't breathe and everything hurts. I bury my face in her duvet and breathe, letting the familiar scent calm me. After a while I feel numb. I stand up blindly and head to the bathroom to clean my face.
I'm going to find Alex.

-

As I head out the door, a cold wind hits my face. Alex hasn't taken her coat, so I shove an extra hoodie in my bag for her. I hope to God she's dressed warmly- I'm in ripped jeans and a hoodie with less form to it than a potato sack, so I'm fairly comfortable. I think back to the letter- where would I know where to find her? The only places we really go together are Café ShiroNeko, the shopping centre, and the park. I stop in my tracks.
The park.
I break into a sprint, dodging people left and right, and head into the city centre towards the park.

Once I'm there, I stop and stand I . Where would Alex go if she needed a break from everything? I think of the kind of person she is- delicate, soft, difficult to predict but not hurtful in the slightest. In other words, an angel.
I head towards a little shelter thing that no one uses. There's no one in the park either, so it helps. I cross my fingers that this is where Alex is and enter carefully.

It's no surprise to me that I find her first time.
What makes my heart stop is when I realise she's crying.
The shelter is cold and dark, graffiti on the walls and a smell of something very uncomfortable. She's curled up in a corner, not facing me. I shuffle up to her and touch her shoulder. Immediately she pushes me away. "Don't touch me."
I step back, confused. This really isn't like her. I try again, and again she pushes me, but with less feeling. Almost like she doesn't want to.
"Alex."
This time she moves. I barely have time to adjust myself before she flings herself into my arms, clinging onto me like a baby. This is really unlike her.
"What's the matter? Why'd you run away?"
She doesn't answer, just whines and cuddles closer to me.
I smile and pet her head. I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm blushing like hell and my mind is racing, because now isn't the time for my arbitrary feelings to get in the way. She looks up at me- her face is a mess, but her eyes are sad and trusting and for the first time I'm scared I've hurt her.
"It's nothing you've done. It's- it's me."
I stop breathing. "Alex, no..."
"Yes." She sighs heavily. "Look at this."
She tugs at the collar of her shirt to reveal her left collarbone.

It's marked with an elegant swallow tattoo.
Exactly the same as mine.
I feel faint for a second, then everything goes black.
The last thing I remember is wrapping my arms around Alex and holding her tighter than I ever have.
I don't want to remember anything else.