swallows- soulmate au

thirteen

Three days on, and I'm back in class.
It's actually kinda refreshing, seeing all the familiar faces again. Several people ask me if I'm okay. I get a sympathetic hug from Wil, everyone's favourite professor, after I tell him what happened. He buys me a coffee from the campus Starbucks (fancy, I know) and we speak a little longer. Maybe it's weird to be on good terms with professors, but I don't really care. After a while I end up back in class, though I don't really register what's going on. My fine art tutor asks me to stay behind after class. She talks for ages about how my portfolio is "exceptional", how everything I do has so much meaning and so much skill, but I barely even hear it.
It's like my mind's in a different place. I'm content, but I'm not present.

Some girls from class ask me if I wanna go for a drink later. I say no, then as soon as they're gone I text Haru absentmindedly, "movie night? got miasto 44 with eng subtitles and plenty of refreshments xox". I don't really know why. I don't particularly want any sort of social interaction right now, and I had a night out with Haru last night. I shove my phone in my bra and head to the cafeteria.
It's so weird. I'm almost happy, but I'm too numb to comprehend it.
Haven't spoken to Alex much recently, either.

The rest of the day goes by without incident. I hang around on campus all day, not once bumping into anyone I really care about, save for a few professors who smiled at me or struck up polite conversation. I finish my day at around 7:30 and get an Uber to Haru's place. He welcomes me at the door to the shop- his flat is above his shop, conveniently- and he looks concerned. "Yuzu? Is something wrong?"
"Nah." I yawn and step inside, taking my shoes off hastily and hanging up my fuzzy Rilakkuma poncho thing. Haru strokes it absentmindedly, staring at me. Then he turns into the dark shop. "C'mon. You want a drink?"

"Always." I follow him up the stairs and flop on his sofa. This flat is pretty much my second home now. I take out the movie I brought and start fiddling with the DVD player. Miasto 44 is mine and Haru's movie. We watched it together on one of our first 'dates' and we both cried like babies, so now we watch it regularly. Now, as he rests on the sofa beside me and sets down two glasses of drink and a large plate of snacks, I don't feel any of the emotions I usually do.
My mind, where it once was racing constantly, is now filled with radio silence.

I rest my head on his shoulder and he drapes his arm around me. As I reach for my drink, he speaks. "Yuzu."
"What's up?"
"I spoke to Alex today."
Normally, I'd panic if he said something like that. Instead I sip my drink and adjust my legs on the sofa, not feeling very much. "What'd she say?"
"She wanted to know if you were alright. Apparently you've been different since she got out of hospital."
"Mm." I shove a handful of marshmallows in my mouth.
"Like that, then." Haru laughs. "You should really talk to Alex. Something's really not right with her. She's your soulmate, for God's sake! Weren't you all over her last week?"
"I don't wanna be all clingy. You know I fuck up if I get too clingy."
"Izzy..."
I look up. He rarely uses my real name.
"Trust me when I say this. Something is very wrong with Alex. I don't know what it is, but she needs you." He pauses. "And you need her right now."
"Okay." I move away from him slightly. "I'll do my best."
"Here." He hands me a tiny glass bottle. "Drink that, we'll enjoy the film and everything will be fine, okay?"

I down the contents and watch as he does the same with an identical bottle. I sit back, relaxing and eating, and we watch the movie. I don't cry at the parts that normally have me sobbing. Haru notices and pulls me back into his arms, but says nothing. I think I get through several packs of marshmallows and spicy Doritos before I leave. Haru offers a ride, but I refuse.
It's just me, alone in the city.

-

It's snowing.
My nose is cold, everything is numb or cold or hurting me. I don't feel anything.
It's peaceful.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, everything hits me at once and I'm sobbing, running, snow crunching under my feet as I run.
No one out to see me.
No one to help.
I sink down behind a bin, shaking with tears and a lot of repressed emotion. I reach for my phone with trembling hands, but it's dead. The snow falls on my cheeks, melting on contact, and I relax. I'm still crying, but I'm past caring.
Whatever happens to me will happen.

I feel a hand on my face and I reopen my eyes. I don't remember closing them. I'm staring up into her familiar face now, and she says nothing. She wipes my tears away and helps me up. "Ola..."
"Shush." She takes my hand and walks me into the light of a streetlamp. "What the hell happened to you?"
I don't respond. Instead, I let go of her hand and avert my gaze from hers. I can't let her see me like this. I can't let her see me.
I'll only hurt her again.
My mind screams at me.
She sighs. "Alright. If it's what you want, I'll leave you for now. Please be okay by tomorrow, yeah?"
"I'll call you if I wake up."
"When," she corrects me. "When you wake up."
She disappears into the snow. Almost like she never existed. Maybe none of this ever existed. I stare at her, then turn back onto my path.

By the time I'm home, I can't tell if I'm alive or not. My mind is totally numb, my body is frozen, and I can't bring myself to move my face. As I enter the apartment, I hear crying coming from Alex's room.
I don't think anything of it.
With a final breath, I collapse on the kitchen floor.
My last moments of awareness are filled with white cat fluff as Mochi comes to check if I'm okay.
Then, nothing.

-

I wake up horrifically early with a blazing hangover and in a puddle of blood and icy water. I don't remember getting hurt, but there's a huge cut on my upper left arm. I pick myself up painfully and head to the medicine cabinet, wrapping my arm in a bandage and downing a few aspirin for the headache. I turn around and Alex is stood in the doorway, a sad look in her eyes. "Morning," I whimper out.
"Where were you last night?"
I point to the bloody puddle on the floor. "There."
"Before then."
"Haru's." I grab a pot of hummus from the fridge and a tub of Pringles. "Why?"
She doesn't look at me. "Can we have something decent for breakfast?"
"Fine, I'll make an omelette." I put my hummus away and start putting together the ingredients.
Alex perches herself on the breakfast bar. "Spoke to Haru the other day."
"He told me." I crack an egg in the pan and shove a Pocky in my mouth. "Why'd you only bring it up now?"
"I don't know." She lowers her voice. "Iz, what happened to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been different. Ever since the night I got out of hospital."
I turn to look at her. She pulls her hoodie down past her thighs and won't look me in the eye. I sigh and carry on with the omelette.
"I've been busy with school. I had to miss loads because you left and I was too hysterical to go in. I though you'd want some space as well."
"... okay." She walks towards the door. "Call me when it's ready."
"Tch." I stab the omelette with a fork and finish it off. Mochi winds around my ankles.
Still, I'm emotionless.

I finish up a long phone call with Ola and go to check on Alex. Her room is dead silent, I assume she's on her laptop with her music on. Quietly, I crack open the door and step inside.
The first thing I notice is how immaculate her room is. Normally there's some degree of clusterfuckery to her room, as with my own and pretty much the whole flat, but everything is neat and clean and perfect. The omelette plate is empty and sat on her desk. Her window is open and the curtains flapping gently in the freezing winter breeze. She's nowhere to be found.
On her bed is a note written in Times New Roman.
"Residents of the Ichigo Apt Block- the roof space is now open for public use, including a rooftop garden and smoking area. Rules of the building apply. Enjoy! :) -management"
I stare at it. I completely forgot the opening was last night. I stare at it some more, and slowly the puzzle pieces fit together.
I don't even think to dress myself properly before flinging myself out the door and up eight flights of stairs to the roof.

It's freezing out there. A sharp icy wind blows and almost bowls me over, but I fight it and look around. The cold hurts my face so I don't spot her at first, but when I do I feel like all the blood's been drained from my body.

She's stood on the edge of the building, arms outstretched.
And she's falling.