New School, New Me

Chapter 2

The last bell of the day rang not long after the conversation, and we both got up and walked out of the school and to my car.  "Sorry if its a mess."  My car had CD's and books everywhere inside of it. He smiled and moved some of my books to the back seat before sitting down in the passenger side.

We listened to Coldplay and Ed Sheeran most of the way to my apartment which Dan seemed to enjoy.  I can't believe I'm having Dan over today.  He's so agh, and i'm so...ew.  I felt a hint of anxiety creeping into my mind.  I just wanted this to go well is all.  Making myself look stupid to one of the best people i've ever met isn't really on the top of my to do list.

When we got to the apartment complex we both gathered all of our things out of the car and headed up to the third floor where my apartment was.  Thank God I decided to clean up the place yesterday.  My television was still on Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix from when I left in a rush this morning. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"  Dan laughed and I looked over at me.  "It's a great show actually."  I did a small smile and flipped the television off.  "Oh, no. I completely agree.  Its super badass."  I was surprised that Dan liked it.  Usually nobody I know shares my interest with that show.

I placed my books on one of the tables in the dining area.  "What should we start on?"  Dan looked confused for a minute as though he had no idea what I was talking about.  "With the studying..?" 

"Oh.  Oh yeah.  Sorry"  Dan snaps out of his confusion and gets out his Chemistry book.  "We'll start with Chemistry"  I nod in agreement and go to sit on the couch next to where he is standing.  Dan sits rather closely next to me and opens his book to the pages they went over in class.  I did the same and got out a pencil and a piece of paper.  He looked over at me while I was getting my things and smiled.  "What?"  I chuckled and smiled back at him.  He looked away still smiling.  "Nothing."

We studied Chemistry and all of my other classes for the next hour or so.  I enjoyed having Dan here to help me, but he was so distracting.  All of the faces he makes like the ones when hes concentrating or reading just make me feel all fuzzy inside.  "Do you want something to eat? I have Ramen Noodles."  I got up and went to the kitchen.  "Yeah, sure.  Thanks"  He followed me and leaned against the counter while i crushed the Ramen Noodle package. 

"Hey Dan?"  I look down at the packages trying to avoid eye contact.  "Yes, Phil?"  I could see Dan look over at me using my peripheral vision.  Taking a deep breath, I speak what I've been wanting to say since lunch.  "I'm glad you decided to be my friend.."  I pour the noodles into a bowl and put them into the microwave for three minutes before turning to see Dan right behind me.  Having him this close to me made my heart start beating faster.  He smelled amazing and he was so close i could feel his breath on my face.  "I'm glad I did too."

 I look down at my feet avoiding eye contact again.  I'm uncomfortable at all; i just want him to come closer.  I want him to wrap me in his arms and kiss me until the sun comes up, and then i want him to do it all over again.  There was a longing in my heart for a guy I had just met this morning.  A guy that probably didn't feel the same for me at all.  The thought of him not liking me back made my heart hurt.

"Phil?"  I looked up at Dan with big eyes.  "I-i'm sorry..." I looked over to the microwave three seconds before the noodles were done then slowly move away from Dan to get the noodles and put the seasoning in them.  "These are yours."  Dan takes the noodles and goes back to leaning on the counter.  

It was quiet for a few minutes before Dan finally spoke.  "I think we should get to know each others past more.  It helps with the friendship and shit you know?"  I smile a little and nod.  "What would you like to know, Dan?"

Dan takes a bite of his noodles before asking.  "What did the people at your last school call you?  Why'd they dislike you so much?"  I feel my stomach churn and look down.  Why did this have to come up at such a good time?  Dan clears his throat.  "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.  I was just curious is all.."

I take a deep breath before finally speaking.  "They aren't really fond of homosexuals back where i used to live.."  I bite my lip hanging my head in shame.  He's going to hate me.  He'll think i'm a creep, and he will never want to hang around me again. God, why am i so stupid?  

"You're gay?"  Dan pushes himself off of the counter and walks over to me.  I nod my head, but I keep it down.  I can't show my face to him.  Dan stops in front of me and takes a deep breath.  "I am too, Phil.  It's okay."  My mind suddenly filled with confusion.  Dan was gay?  That was unexpected. 

I was confused, but a part of me felt kind of happy at this news.  Did I really think Dan was ever going to like me?  I mean, he's gay, but that doesn't mean he likes me.  Then again...what if he does?

"Phil. Look at me."  Dan places a hand under my chin and lifts it up so i'm looking into his deep brown eyes.  "It's okay.  I'm not going to judge you for who you are.  Neither will Chris, Pj, and Emma.  You're not going to have to worry about reliving your past, okay?"  I nod and Dan lets go of my face.

"So... Do you like anyone right now?"  Dan looks down and bites his lip.

"I-...I don't know."  I take a deep breath and walk to the fridge to get a soda.  "I don't really come on to people you know?  If they like me then they tell me and we go from there.  I'm too awkward to ever tell anyone about that, because i don't want to be rejected.."  I open up my soda and take a sip.

"I wouldn't reject you"  Dan's eyes went wide.  I guess he realized what he'd just said.  I look down and blush.  Did he really just say that?  He wouldn't reject me?  Does he..like me?  No.  No way.  Dan did a face palm.  "I'm such an idiot.  I'm sorry."  I look up at Dan and walk a little closer so that i can take his hand away from his face.  "It's okay Dan.  I don't mind you saying that."    Dan looked up and smiled a little.  "You like me?"  I laugh a little and look down  "I didn't say that."

Dan's eyes looked panicked.  Should i tell him?  I should. "I do though."  Dan stops his little panic mode and smiles.  "Really?  I didn't think you would.."  I smile and can feel the blush on my face.  "I thought the same."

"So are we dating now?"  Dan smiled as he asked the question i'd never dream he would ask.  I look down and try to think.  I remember how when everyone at school found out about me being gay, they'd all turned on me and treated me like i was dirt,  "I don't want to be openly out yet, Dan..  After what happened last time.."

Dan nods in agreement.  "I completely understand that... We just wont be open about it then."  I look up at Dan surprised at what he'd said.  He was perfectly okay with keeping it a secret, and that makes me really happy.  I want to be with Dan, but i don't want a replay of my last school, so i think that could work.  "Are you sure you want to do that, Dan?  I mean.. Most people would think that was a rude thing to do. and i don't want to hurt you.."

Dan smiles and puts a hand under my chin. "I want to be with you.  I know its crazy, because we just met today, unbelievable even, but i want to be with you.  I want to make sure you're never treated like you were again."  I smile and he leans in to kiss me but our noses bump together making us both turn our faces away.  We both start laughing and grab our own noes, and Dan kisses my cheek.

He looks at his watch and frowns with disappointment.  "I should probably be heading home now."   I frown at the thought of Dan leaving and not being able to see him again.  "Hey. Be happy."  Dan kisses my nose and heads towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dan."  I lean towards him and kiss his cheek before he says goodnight as well and leaves with a bright smile on his face.

The night went on pretty fast, and Dan was constantly on my mind. I took a shower and then lay in bed.

Wow.  I'm dating Dan Howell, a guy I just met today, who has promised me nothing but happiness.  

I smile to myself and close my eyes.  Sooner or later i fall asleep with a happy conscience that i haven't had in a long time.