CrushED

-Chapter 7-

I take a step.
Crooked! You look like a donkey walking on two legs.
I drink from the water fountain.
Your sips are as loud as a traffic jam.
I cough.
You're going to get people sick from the way you cover your mouth.
I open the door to the science room.
Jesus, you're going to give people a heart attack. Could you be any louder when you open the door?
I drop my pencil.
Clumsy airhead.
Every little thing I do, the voice in my head criticizes me. I feel numb. Like each word numbs me a little more. I feel empty. I just want to feel happiness, excitement, or joy again. Just something that doesn't make me depressed. Being bullied doesn't help. Lizzy threw my gym clothes in the river. Ariana steals my lunch money. I get pushed..a lot.
And I can still hear it.
Haha. Haha ha haha ha. Haha. Haha ha haha ha.
It's been there for what feels like years.
It distracts me so much I can't make sense of anything anymore. I've been failing school because I can't understand the material anymore.
One day, when I go home, I see a letter on my doorstep.
You are invited
To celebrate the marriage of
Martine (Bernadette) Levitt
~And~
Jason Lindon Levitt
Date:23/9/2
Time:2:10 pm
Place:The Levitt Chapel, right next to Levitt Electronics
This chapel was a custom design by Jason's father just for Jason's wedding! We hope you will come.
My mother's wedding.
My mother is getting married to Jason.
The voice in my head gets louder, mocking me, laughing at my misery.
I really shouldn't care. My mother isn't a big part of my life anymore.
But I do care. Finally, I break down in a corner, where no one will find me. I cry until I have no tears left.
The voice's laugh is getting louder and louder, until I can't hear my own sobs anymore, and my ears are ringing.
* * *
I went to sleep with the voice laughing non-stop. It still won't stop. If anything, it has only gotten louder.
When I take some breakfast out of the fridge, the voice insults me.
You're too fat. Don't eat.
I walk away, and just sit on a chair.
The voice is like a parasite, it's taking control over me. I'm an empty shell that only moves when the voice tells me to. I'm nothing.
I repeat this during the whole day.
I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I'm nothing. The voice starts chanting that, along with the laughs.
You're nothing. You're nothing.
Then, other words start being said too;
Useless. Worthless. Ugly.
I look like a zombie. I'm too pale. I'm starving and it kills me not to eat. I have dark circles under my eyes from many nights of restless sleep.
When I walk home, I see the river. And then, the first thought I have had in a while hits me like a million glass shards.
What if...I kill myself?
* * *
I am just above the river. I could do it. If I don't want to live my life, then why not? I could be in such a happy place.
Do it, Whispers the voice.
I could use a knife, but it would be so painful. I don't have enough money to afford a gun.
Do it! The voice continues.
I don't know how painful a drug overdose could be.
I don't really want to hang myself...
DO IT!! The voice screeches.
But, jumping off this bridge into the river would be so easy. So painless.
"DO IT!!!"
I would be so happy...
"DO IT!!!!!!!!!"
I peer over the border of the bridge, looking into the calming blue and green of the river.
I sigh.
I'll do it.
I take one last look at the world. The blue sky, the green grass and the tall trees.
This place is so happy, and it would be even happier without me.
I sit on the fence, and the bridge is so high up that it makes my palms sweat.
I won't be sweating in a few minutes.
Here I come.
"Aquarius?" Caden parks by the side of the road and gets out of his car.
Damn. I have to go now.
"Aquarius!"
I take one last look back at him, then I push myself off the fence.
"AQUARIUS!"