𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 ➪ «𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑙 𝑑𝑖𝑥𝑜𝑛»

ch. XVIII - 《regretting your life choices》

oOo

Diana dragged her hands down her face and drew out a groan. "I hate my life. I regret all my life decisions and I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from being the embarrassment I am," she mumbled into her palms and gave a fake sob of exasperation.

It was after lunch. She was hiding away in the back of the home camp, under a tree in the middle of the underbrush.

Diana dragged her hands up her hairline and dug her fingertips into her scalp, pulling at the roots of her hair in frustration and anxiety. Why had she said that to Daryl? Why had she told him she'd make up to him for his family's lack of physical and emotional affection? Of all the stupid things that had ever left her mouth, that sure took the prize for most idiotic.

She didn't have the familiarity with him that she had with Glenn, for example. She'd had enough difficulty keeping the weird tingling in her lower abdomen on the down low the day before and still, she'd gone and said it anyway.

It was for a good cause, that was sure. She was proud of herself for it but oh so horrified.

How would she even go about it? Put her arm around his shoulder and call him 'pal'? Hook her arm with his? Hold his hand?!

She physically shook her head and felt a blush rise on her cheeks.

This was so cliché and so wrong.

Suck it up, big baby, she berated herself. Only she could find herself horrified by such a situation when the end of the fucking world was going on. Get some perspective, Diana.

"Agh, whatever!" she exclaimed and stood up, slapping her butt free of dirt and grabbing her bow from the ground. "Just go with the flow, baby. Breathe, don't force anything. Wing it, baby-girl, that's how you do most things in life. Just wing it."

When Daryl appeared her throat closed up and her stomach plummeted to the pit of her abdomen. They walked in uninterrupted silence to their spot.

Daryl noticed her discomfort as soon as they reached the clearing. He frowned at her as he settled his cross down by the rocks.

She tried to cover it up with a smile, but from his reaction, she was sure it looked like a grimace.

"You look like you swallowed a frog, you alright?" He approached her and stood in front of her with arms crossed. Not even the sight of his flexed biceps was enough to make her feel better. Okay, that was a huge lie.

Diana sighed and with one hand fiddled with the hem of her tank top. "I'm not having a great day," she admitted lamely.

It wasn't only her uneasiness. She also felt Glenn's absence down to her soul. The fact that she was on her period didn't help things.

"Mind if I ask for something?" The narrowing of Daryl's eyes at her question almost made her smile. "You don't gotta look so skeptical."

"Nah I do, 'cause every time you wanna ask somethin', you just pokin' your nose in my business and my past."

His defensiveness made her forego her original question to defend herself in return. "Is it that bad that I wanna get to know you? I mean, we're gonna be spending a lot of time together. I think it's only normal."

Daryl squinted his baby blues at her and shifted in place, looking uncomfortable. "Why?"

"Why? What why?" Diana shrugged helplessly and let the bow fall to the dirt with a dull thud. "I wanna be your friend!"

The confession brought her heart to race and caused her palms to sweat. Daryl's words came back to mind. He didn't want her friendship. She was annoying. Still, she insisted.