𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 ➪ «𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑙 𝑑𝑖𝑥𝑜𝑛»

ch. XX pt. II

oOo

"Oh my God, this is so much better than my sleeping bag." Diana sighed as soon as her head hit the throw pillow.

Glenn lifted her feet, sat down, and let her legs fall over his lap. He'd directed their path towards the RV, knowing that they could hang out there in peace and simultaneously escape the miserable heat.

"I miss my mattress," Diana admitted, burying her head onto the pillow. She grabbed Glenn's hand and intertwined their fingers.

Glenn breathed out a laugh. "Believe me, I miss mine too."

"Thanks for the book, by the way. I'm starting a nice collection." Diana swung their hands in the space between them.

Glenn hummed in acknowledgment. "It's alright. I think of you whenever I see one, and they seem like they could be useful." He shrugged loosely. He'd found another medical book on his latest run, a kind of compendium on pharmaceuticals. He thought that'd be right up Diana's alley.

"Thanks." Diana started massaging his hand. One spot she rubbed made a shiver run down his spine.

"Hey, so, where were you all afternoon?" he finally asked. She'd been acting weird before. Plus, he'd noticed that she went missing every afternoon without fail. "I'm not- I'm not trying to control you or anything."

"Oh, you know, doing this and that. Made some house calls... uh showered, too." Her forefinger was drawing patterns on the palm of his hand now.

She was lying. Aside from the very obvious. Diana didn't enjoy casual conversation with her 'patients' outside a work environment. That's why she had the table outside. The shower might've been true, though; her hands did smell like soap earlier.

But she always looked to her upper right before lying, it was her tell.

He didn't press. She knew she could tell him whatever she wanted. If she was keeping something from him, he had to respect that, too. Everyone had their secrets.

They stayed in comfortable silence. Diana played with Glenn's hands and massaged them and ran her fingertips over his skin. And Glenn, well he tried not to fall asleep with the soothing touch.

His head snapped up when Diana interrupted the silence.

"You're a great friend, Glenn. I've told you that, right?" A light smile touched her lips.

Glenn shrugged and smiled smugly. "Only about a couple hundred times. Why?"

"I had a best friend in Switzerland. She was great, too. Is-was, I don't know." Diana lowered their hands on top of her belly.

Glenn tilted his head at her to continue and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. This was new, Diana had never mentioned her old friends. He'd figured it was too much of a trigger topic for him to mention. But if she was ready to talk, by all means, he was ready to listen.

"Her name's Mariana. And I didn't deserve her either." Glenn wanted to protest her assumption that she didn't deserve him, but then she continued. "She was patient and kind and would bend over backward to bring me out of my shell. She'd do anything for me. I don't even know why," her voice became watery towards the end.

Glenn squeezed her hand and his other found her knee in comfort. "Same reason I would. You're an incredible person, Diana. You bring joy to everything you touch."

Diana laughed sardonically and her hand swiped the corner of her eye as she sniffed. "I'm really not, Glenn. I made up excuses when she texted me and ignored her calls." She smiled bitterly. "I loved hanging out with her, but as soon as I came home, it was like I couldn't care less. I didn't miss her."

Glenn didn't know what to say. "Diana..."

She sat up slowly and wiped at her cheeks. "I never lied when I told that I loved her, but whatever I felt wasn't enough. It was all so... shallow."

Glenn pulled her to him.

"I feel so guilty because she'd do anything for me but I still thought twice before visiting her at the hospital." A sob broke out at the end of the sentence. "I don't even know if she's dead or not and I can't bring myself to care. I don't feel a damn thing."

She threw her arms around Glenn's neck. "What's- my damage, Glenn?" she hiccupped out. "Why am I- such a shitty person?"

"Hey, now..." Glenn coaxed her away from him to look her in the eye. Her brown skin was taking on a flushed tint and her features were twisted with desolation. It broke his heart. "You're not a shitty person, Diana. You can just go ahead and throw that out the window.

Whatever happened with your friend, there must have been a reason. 'Cause what I've seen of you till now... You're not that person anymore."

"But I feel that way now. I'm not missing her now." Her hand grabbed onto his shirt. "I am still that person, Glenn."

Glenn tried a different approach. "This Mariana. She can't have been perfect. No one is."

Diana sniffled and hesitantly shook her head.

"She was a great friend. But even great friends do things that hurt you. Even without meaning to."

Diana nodded in agreement, her lips quivering.

He hoped he was going in the right direction with this. He was talking purely out of personal experience. He decided to use an analogy his oldest sister had told him once.

"Imagine your love for this person's like a... a bonfire. It's bright and warms you up. Every time they hurt you, it's like they... they take away a piece of timber. And it dies down a little. Over time it gets smaller and smaller. You might not notice right away because it's still warm, but it's just not like before."

Diana leaned back. "So..."

Glenn nodded to finish his point. "So she hurt you enough over time that you noticed it here..." He pointed at her chest above her heart. "...but not here." He poked her forehead. "You're not a bad person. You've just been hurt by a person you trusted and it's taken its toll on you."

Diana's features smoothed out. She rubbed her face and eyes with her hands. At the end she sighed deeply and scooched forward, almost sitting on Glenn's lap.

She laid her head on his shoulder and Glenn pushed a stray curl away. "I can't fix your past, Diana. But I'm here now and believe me when I tell you that you are the best person I've ever known." She backed away to look at him with big brown eyes. A cheeky smile grew on his lips. "At least till now. Who knows what'll happen when future Mrs. Rhee comes strolling around the corner."

Diana smiled, then chuckled and then finally whispered, "I love you, Glenn."

She touched her forehead to his. Glenn felt the bonfire in his chest grow warmer and his smile widened. "Wow, whipping out the L-word so soon in the relationship. Pretty bold move." He closed his eyes and whispered, "I know."

Diana chuckled. "You fucking geek."