𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 ➪ «𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑙 𝑑𝑖𝑥𝑜𝑛»

ch. XXVIII pt. II

oOo

They emptied out a building near the Vatos' hideout to retreat and ponder their options.

Diana said nothing. She'd already pestered Rick enough on the way over about how they should've had a plan from the beginning and how they had only wasted time. Eventually, he told her that she wasn't helping and she shut up, feeling childish and ridiculous and no less angry.

She sulked at the back wall, occasionally coughing from the tickle in her throat caused by the dust, her arms crossed and glare stapled on her face.

Rick dropped the duffel on a cluttered desk, unzipped it and went through the armament.

Daryl paced in front of the desk, his eyes on the guns and then Rick. "Them guns are worth more than gold. Gold won't protect your family or put food on the table. You're gonna give that up for that kid?"

That made her even angrier. She kicked off the wall and pointed at Daryl. "How can you say that? Glenn matters, okay? If not to you, at least to me; he matters more than this entire bag and every other working gun on this planet combined, so don't you dare."

Daryl had the decency to look a bit ashamed as he appraised her but didn't give any indication of taking back his words.

"You'd do it for Merle, wouldn't you?" Diana asked and Daryl looked away from her rich brown gaze, and she added silently, "Or for me?"

That stilled all sound in the room, as even Rick stopped what he was doing to listen in. What he knew from Daryl up to this point would probably take him to bet on a negative answer, but what he'd witnessed of their interactions so far didn't leave him so sure.

Diana took his silence for a 'no' and sighed. "Whatever, what I meant was, if you won't do it for Glenn, then for me, but I guess that's- whatever." She shook her head, feeling disappointed and hurt, but not wanting to admit it.

Then there was another of those indescribable looks that she hadn't learned to decipher yet, and she shook her head once more, conveying that it didn't matter now and that she was simply against his easy dismissal of Glenn's importance.

Diana glanced at everyone in the room in search of support and threw her hands up. "Really? Fine, I said my part, I need some air, now." She left the room and slammed the door behind her. Then coughed into the inside of her elbow, harsher and longer than before, making her bend at the waist and leaving her winded when the fit was over.

She opened the window, mixing some fresh air with the dust and mildew from inside, and leaned out the windowsill.

Ugh, she felt like such a silly fool, getting so emotional in a time of objectivity. She knew those guns could save their lives and the lives of others, and statistically and objectively speaking that was worth more than Glenn's life, but she'd never accept that. She would not be going home without Glenn, that was that.

Her throat tickled incessantly, forcing her into a hacking fit that left her dizzy for oxygen and with a throbbing head. She felt around for her inhaler, knowing her allergy usually led to an asthma attack, but stopped when she remembered it was long empty.

She felt panic rise in her as her throat threatened to close up and forced herself to take slow deep breaths between the coughing and slowly felt the tickle recede. There were tears in her eyes by the end of it.

She felt her hands tremble in anticipated fear as her mind recalled the last big asthma attack she'd suffered through. The memory caused her to suck in a deep breath as if she'd resurfaced from the depths of the ocean and she brought a hand to her throat to tug at her collar.

Her parents could not know of this. It would only fuel their belief that she should not be going on runs.

The bow on her shoulder purred comfort into her flesh and bones, but the damage was done, she'd thought of her parents again, and with it came a wave of guilt.

She continued schooling her breathing like she'd learned and jumped when the door to the other room swung open with T-Dog attached to the handle. She wiped her eyes clean before his gaze found her and he frowned at her state.

"Everything cool?" he asked with worry, about to walk towards her, but Diana cut him off. She stepped around him, into the other room, her hands trembling fists clutched on the hem of her shirt.

"Everything's awesome," she replied drily and addressed Rick, "What's the verdict?"

It was Daryl who answered, "We're doing this," he announced, less than pleased, shotgun in hand, while Rick held another fire weapon.

When Diana approached the desk, she heard Daryl whisper to her, "for you." Her heart leaped to her throat.

She swallowed hard, forcing the lump down, and glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His attention was on the weapon he was loading up. She nodded minutely to herself, repressing a grateful smile, and subtly bumped him with her hip.

She felt him return it and looked up at Rick, sensing his eyes on her, his blue gaze intently scrutinizing the exchange. She dropped the bullet she'd been fiddling with inside the duffel and cleared her throat before looking away.

"We heard you coughing, you okay?" Rick asked as he inserted another round into a pistol, purposefully not broaching the subject she thought he would.

"Yeah, it's just allergies," she replied, downplaying it with a light-hearted shrug. "Anyways, how are we doing this? 'Cause, like, I see weapons being loaded and I'm not entirely sure what's happening here?" Surely they weren't thinking of-

"Like Guillermo said, we'll see which side spills more blood," Rick said grandiosely while locking and loading a shotgun.

Miguel groaned in misery from his seat on the ground, and Diana never thought she would agree with him. Her righteous anger was put out like a fire.

"You kidding me?" Diana almost shrieked, her eyes wide. "Oh no, I don't condone this, noooo, nuh-uh. So you just wanna waltz in there and open fire on everything that moves, hoping not to get shot in return? What the fuck kinda plan is that? Is that what we resort to, now?"

Rick shook his head. "No, this is what they make us resort to. I don't want this any more than you do, but what other choice do they leave us? Do you see them willing to make a deal, reach an agreement?"

"They have Glenn," T-Dog added, "didn't you say you'd do anything to get him back?"

"I- I-," Diana was at a loss for words. Sure, she wanted Glenn back, but she thought they were going to go down a more peaceful road to their goal. She never wanted to actively kill anyone, she was simply counting on a more harmonious end to their ordeal, but she guessed that went to show how naïve she was.

"You ain't going in with us," Daryl said, breaking her out of her crisis. "If shit takes a rotten turn, I don't want you caught in the crossfire, none of us do."

Rick shared a look with Daryl and T-Dog and then fixed his blue eyes on her. "I told you before we came here, Diana, you're gonna outlive us all, so listen just once more, and stay out of harm's way."

Diana struggled in her mind to come to terms with Rick's words; she wasn't a coward, even if the idea of facing her own mortality did make her insides tremble and her heart rate pick up, she wasn't going to abandon everyone just to favor her own life, she could be selfish, but not to that point.

For the sake of her morals, she would do her best to aim to injure and not kill, and if by chance she came alive out of it, she would have to make sure to never, ever mention to her parents what happened. They would handcuff her to themselves.

"You must really-, I- I wanna go back to my family just as much as you wanna go back to yours, Rick. I'm-" Diana sighed, hoping she wouldn't regret her next words. "I'm going with you whether you like it or not. This is not me defying you just because you told me to stay put, okay? It's not that. You're not gonna be putting your lives on the line while I stay behind like a fucking damsel. I can- I can look after myself. And like hell I'm gonna let anyone take me down without a fight."