𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒗𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 ➪ «𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑙 𝑑𝑖𝑥𝑜𝑛»

ch. XXXIII pt. II

oOo

It was wash-day for Alice's hair since she finally had access to running water. The whole process of pre-oiling, shampooing, conditioning, twisting, oiling again had taken her over an hour. It was something she enjoyed, she took great pride in her hair, pampering and primping it was somewhat cathartic.

This time it took her back to when she was little. Alice kneeling on the bathtub, water up to her belly button and toys floating beside her. Felix laughing as he hit the water and it splashed, the droplets hitting her closed eyelids. Irene massaging Alice's scalp soothingly, twisting her hair into sections, rinsing it with the toy water can.

It made her heart ache.

That day she'd done the same for Felix. Up until recently, it had always been mom who would wash his locs, he'd always been too lazy to do it himself, had always said it took too much work.

Alice had showered and then waited until the women's lockers were empty and had called him in. He had sat in his boxer shorts on the floor of one of the shower cabins, Alice kneeling behind him, and she'd washed his hair like mom used to. Her fingers had been gentle instead of her usual harsh prodding and yanking - her own kind of comfort.

She'd let warm water fall gently over her brother throughout it. He'd covered his face with his hands and his shoulders had shaken, but never once did he let his crying be heard.

She had sent him to the room he'd claimed for himself after he told her he was fine. She didn't believe it, but she wasn't one to press people. And she usually preferred not to talk about emotions anyway.

Now, she twisted her hair and wrapped it with one of her "lost" silk scarves that she'd found in her mom's baggage, and dressed in clean mismatched pajamas.

She took a lasting look at the mirror, at the face she was learning to not hate (but failing at it). The fading acne scars from many treatment sessions, the too-wide nose, the unplucked brows slowly knitting back together. Puberty had brought with it a deluge of self-image issues. She hadn't been able to look in the mirror and be satisfied with what she saw in years.

Maybe the problem had been with mirrors themselves. She'd almost forgotten about all her deficiencies since their vacation had started. They'd been pushed to the back of her mind in trade of more pressing issues, such as her own survival. She'd had no time to look herself in the mirror, no time to consider beauty and imperfections.

She immediately hated herself for thinking it, for even considering that it was a good thing that the apocalypse started. Look at all it took from her! How could she even...! UGH!

Alice pushed herself away from the sink, hateful scorn in her eyes glancing back at her, and she left.

On her way to her room, she saw Diana sneak through the hall, her steps clumsy and hands gliding along the wall.

Alice sighed. Oh, how she wished she could be drunk right now. But no, Diana had gone and stole that from her, forcing her to stay sober to look after her. She couldn't hold it against her, though, Diana was five years older than her and had never once gotten tipsy let alone drunk, while Alice had indulged herself more than enough.

Alice considered following her sister and putting her back to bed but shook that off. She'd lost her patience with her. She'd followed Alice after dinner, into the lockers when she'd gone to shower and had talked nonsense into her ear the whole time, breaking into laughter in the middle of her sentences and grabbing onto her, weighing her down.

So Alice had led her to one of the cabins and doused her with cold water while she still had her clothes on. The reaction had been funny to her, the wide eyes and uncharacteristic profanity, but since Alice was a Good Sister™, she helped her undress, both almost falling over multiple times. Then she'd supervised as Diana washed her body, making sure she didn't slip and hit her head, she'd cared for her hair, then yelped and jumped away as the water at her sister's feet turned red. Oh, how Diana had laughed and Alice had cursed at her.