Your alone, sad, scared.
Then you see her.
Her.
You only see a passing glance.
Her beauty, average.
Her hair, same as the hundreds around her.
Her voice, quiet and low.
But you don't forget her.
You see her face at night.
You don't even know her name and you can't forget her.
You see her the next day.
You talk to her about silly things.
Things no one talks about.
But you two talk about it for a long time.
She gives you her phone number.
Your heart races as you enter it into your phone.
But why? She is the same as everyone else, less them in terms of beauty and appeal.
But you see it.
Not everyone sees it.
But her friends do.
You do.
You talk to her more and more.
You realize a terrible fear, your boring.
She won't care about you and your petty troubles.
But you can't loss her
You lay awake and make a lie, a terrible, beautiful, horrendous, lovable,
Lie.
You tell her part of it, your lie involves your health, how your life will end, so you say.
She hears, listens, tells others...
Soon they flock to you in groups.
Saying how they care and how sorry they are.
You continue the lie, expanding it where it need to be, but you don't care, your emotionless, you can lie to then forever if need be.
Soon you start to feel feelings for her, but those feelings are based on a lie, a terrible lie.
Your "death day" comes closer, and you have become addicted to the sympathy and care that you receive.
You join a club at school, hopping to show others your lie and have their sympathy consume you.
It does, you live on cloud nine for weeks.
But a problem with the lie approaches.
Your death is approaching, yet you are the pinnacle of health.
Take your own life? Penance for what you have done? Go out with a bang and hundreds of people to remember you?
You like the idea, you begin to spread your story more.
"Surgery boy" becomes your title.
Friends flock to you.
But they aren't your friends.
But she is.
One of the few, who you hve talked too so much and has been with you for the entire thing.
Your death day is happening.
You have the rope.
The brick, the pool...
You prepare yourself.
But you wait, you wait to see the reaction from your friends. Your so called brothers and sisters.
You wait,
And wait
And wait.
None of then text you
None of then call you
None of then care.
She does.
She texts you, once.
You put the rope and brick away. You go inside and exclaim your "recovery" from the false surgery.
People begin to doubt,
You lie ontop of lie.
You are cornered
Yet you continue to lie.
No one belives you, they all know.
You can't stop. The truth is to hard to face.
Months go by, the guilt of what you said and did builds up and bursts. You tell the truth.
You tell her first, she listens, understands
Her rage is beyond belief, but she remains your friend. She asks you to tell others, you do. All who Listen you tell.
Your "friends" now can't look at you without throwing up,
You can't blame them, you don't fight the ugly looks. You don't fight the comments, "liar!" "Asshole!"
You have dealt with bulling before and you can do it again.
But she is still mad at you, you don't talk for what feels life forever.
Then you meet someone, a girl.
A girl you can relate to, on a diffrent level then with her.
You feel no romantic pull towards The Girl, but you don't care. The Girl has been what you have been thought.The Girl is a warrior and a close friend.
You talk to The Girl more and more, you hang out more and more.
Then it happens,
You and The Girl talk, she asks if you can come over and smoke weed, you happily agree and drive to her place. You sit outside, hitting your pipe.
Then The Girl feels bad.
The Girl can't stand up.
The Girl eye's won't remain open. The Girl's breathing is slow and deep, The Girl talks occasionally.
You stay with The Girl, until she demands you leave. You regret doing it, but she promises to go straight to bed. You leave and pray to a god you don't believe in that nothing will happen to her.
You text The Girl the next morning, you didn't sleep at all this night, constantly debating weither or not to drive to The Girl's house with a ambulance with you.
The Girl tells you she is fine, your heart leaps for joy. The rest of your day is of little note.
You see Her the next day, she demands you never lie to her, and you agree. Later you see The Girl, she doesn't look at you.
You wonder why?
Later in the day, you hear from The Girl's friend, your most recent ex. Your ex tells you about how The Girl thinks that you tried to drug her.
Your world stops.
You can't breath.
You didnt do anything to the weed.
It was normal weed.
You would never hurt the Girl, she is your best friend.
You need to tell the girl this.
You run to The Girl.
The Girl illudes you.
You lost your bestfriend.
But did The Girl know she was your best friend? Did she know that you loved her in ways you can't explain. You loved her flaws and her hopes and her actions.
The Girl is gone
You fight it, you text her, you talk to her, you beg for forgiveness. The Girl tells you she can't trust you.
Your school year continues, tests, quizzes. You don't think about that. You try and get The Girl back. You try to have your friends to talk to her, but to no avail.
You lost.
You write the girl a letter, begging for forgiveness and asking if the girl will go to your graduation. If she goes to your graduation and you see her smiling face, you will know she has forgiven you and can trust you.
Time passes.
Graduation time. You walk down the football feild, seeing Her, your family, but not The Girl. She didn't come. The Girl isn't your friend anymore.
You celebrate the night, alone.
You sit in your car trying to allude your sadness with drugs and alcohol. It works for the night.
The next morning The Girl won't leave you mind.
You begin to talk to Her again, more. You ask if she would ever date you again, she demands you ask for real, you do, she agrees. You date.
No you don't, you talk sometimes, you hang out sometimes, but you aren't dating Her, she is your best friend, your only best friend, aside from The Girl.
You tell Her about your lack of feelings for her, she begs you to remain. You do, but you can't for long. Your break up, your still best friends, but she wants to punch you. You deserve it.
This is my story, and my name is Michael kaiser.
