One night, under the stars, you decide to look at your past. Nine years of constant bulling and no social growth.
Your earliest memory of school, was in kindergarten.
You were constantly laughed at because your voice has a slight lisp.
Everyday, anything you said, you were laughed at. You couldn't talk to one of the kids, they all laughed and walked away. And since you went to a small private school, these twenty something kids are going to follow you to eighth grade. And you start off with them laughing at you.
Later, you are laughed at more for how you eat.
Then how you run.
Then how you think.
Then for your hair.
Then for your life.
Then the years go on....
It doesn't get better..
You can't switch schools, the fear of meeting kids exactly like these, it's too much.
The last thing you wanted was more kids hating you for being you.
It only got worse at the years went on. Kids got stronger, louder, meaner. While you got laughed at.
Third grade, their used to be fights in the bathrooms. One boy verse one boy. Who ever could push each other into the wall harder, won. You always fought, almost never won. This game ended in seventh grade.
This is also the year the ADHD kicked in. Everyday, around your desk your imagine ran wild. You saw huge beasts run into the class you. You heard people talkig who weren't their (example: hearing two old men fight over a donut when your in a third grade class room.) you would react to these things.
You would punch a Russian soldier as he vaulted over your table at lunch.
You would throw rocks at the Joker at recess.
You were laughed at for doing these things. But you never cared about it. Because you had your imagination, and nothing you thought of called you a faggot. None of your imaginations punched you.
Your imaginations beat up the bullies.
You saw Yoda throw a lightsaber at a bully.
You heard Chuck Norris tell the bullies to stop calling you names or else.
You lived everyday with these until eighth grade.
Fourth grade, one of te popular kid said that the best thimg you could do in life is die, so you don't waste oxygen. The crowd laughs and the teacher doesn't flinch.
You also began seeing a guidance counselor. Because you keep saying you are being bullied. But none of the other students agree with you. They all say your the bully. You need to be punished. Your father made sure of that.
The guidance counselor never helped, she never tried to. She would listen, and say you need to pray for forgiveness. It never helped.
God never came down and told the bullies to stop.
God never pushed them away when they would push you.
God never helped.
For this reason your a atheist.
Fifth grade- this is when you break for the first time in your life. You snap. You see everything, differently. You want people to see you, and see fear. You want them to leave you alone. The only people you have meet have either beaten you, bullied you, or hated you.
Regardless of age.
Fifth grade- you vandalize the bathroom by writing things that "weren't fit for a catholic boy". Then you meet therapists.
Then the word therapist, becomes a word of meaning
-useless.
In your life you have seen six therapists in your life. None of them have helped,
Except for lowing the will to live.
Because sitting in a room and having a stranger demand your deepest darkest secrets, isn't always the best thing to do.
But that is a tale for a different day.
After fifth grade you tried to change. You tried to improve.
It didn't work.
At all.
You became the dumbest kid in the class.
You had everyone tell you to go away.
You learn to hide the pain.
Hide the fear and anger.
And how to wear a mask of joy and happiness.
When you tried to improve in seventh and eighth grade.
Only worse results.
But those two grades,
Those. Those are special.
In those years, you
Become smartish
Find porn
Had large groups of kids constantly bully you
Lose all physical abilities
You become a gamer
You sleep, eat, and play video games
That's you.
That's how you where when you entered high school.
But that,
That is a tale for a different day.
