Once you break up with Her, it happens.
A terrible feeling of lonelines and sadness. Your always alone, no one is with you, no one cares.
Even when your with friends your alone, because they don't understand. No one understands!
Your parents won't listen!
Your therapist doesn't care!
Your friends aren't there!
All you have is yourself,
In a room,
Alone,
With a knife.
You and the knife have a long past, you two used to stay up late at night, carving lines in your arms.
Trying to erase the words that where shot at you.
But not now, not today. Today you grab your new knife, the pipe.
You fill your pipe, you light your lighter, then the world explodes.
Your outlook on life changes. You no longer care what the bully's said.
You become happy and alive.
You want to share your happiness by making new friends.
Then the happiness stops.
The joy dies.
The depression awakens.
You try and talk to random people, you try and by nice and considerate.
Yet you are called creepy and annoying.
People who you have never meet tell you to kill yourself.
You stop, you find your pipe and you smoke it again.
But you don't stop, the joy doesn't come.
The depression and sadness stay.
And so does the pipe.
Hours apon hours. When you finally are done, you can't stand up.
You can't move, your too high.
But you don't care, because the voices in your head that tell you that your worthless and that all the people who have ever called you a asshole or creep are right, that voice, is silent.
Days go by, the same routine.
Feel sad everyday, and smoke to escape your probelms.
Then you start talking to a girl, a girl who you have spent little time talkin in the past, but you don't care she is the closest thing to a friend.
She invites you over to her house, you agree. You drive to her house and find a another girl living their. Actually two other girls, three girls in total. However only two are here with you. You introduce yourself to the new girl, and your brain stops.
Aphrodite would fail in comparison to her. Her hair, it cascades from her head and hangs in a perfect way. Her eyes, peircing right through you. Her face is beyond limits in terms of beauty. Her voice, soft and soothing. But you can tell this girl has a lot of fight in her.
You can tell by the way she walks, she has had the worst happen too her. You admire her deeply, but you made a promise to yourself. You wouldn't date a girl for a long time. They are backstabbers and will hurt you. You remeber your last real ex, and how she ruined your friendship.
But you look at this new girl. Your in shock of who she is, perfection. Then the two girls being you back into their room, into a closet. The closet has a bed in it, both the girls climb in the closet and sit on the bed, you enter and sit down tok and take out your pipe. You shut the closet door and smoke the pipe. Time goes by slowly, you and the two girls smoke. You look at the new girl often, you can't keep your eyes off her.
You and them talk more and more, then your needed at home and you leave.
Until the next time you see the New Girl again, she doesn't leave your mind once.
Then you mess it all up!
You ruin it!
You had it perfectly!
If you had simply said one thing, she would be your girlfriend.
But since you fucked it up, you got scared, she is now someone else's.
When she tells you this, you run. You run out of your house, out of your neighborhood. You run.
Because you don't know how to face your problems. You run until you can't any more. But the rage is still burning inside you. You find a tree, you punch it once. Pain explodes in your fist. You punch it again, and again.
And. Again.
It starts to rain, you punch the tree harder.
Your shoes overflow with water, your knuckles are red with blood, your hair is soaking wet, your joints are onfire from running.
Then you stop. Why?
Why are you doing this?
For a girl?
Would she do the same for you? No
Then why are you? Because you like her? Because you want to date her?
Thats the only reason?
You got sad and decided to punch a tree?
You think about your friends, all of them.
Would any do the same for you?
No
But you would do that, for you.
You walk away from the blood covered tree, you walk home in the rain. Blood dripping from your knuckles. But you dont feel the pain, you dont feel the rain, you only feel one thing. Enlightment.
You realize how amazing you are, how you are helpful, kind, loving, smart.
Only other people call you bad words, idiot, asshole, retarded.
You dont.
You walk home and find your house empty, the benifit of having two alcholic parents, alot of time alone.
You take a shower, and wipe off the blood and sweat. You dry off, and fall into your bed.
You are your own person, you are the only person who will always be their for you. You have hated yourself before. But that was then, this is now. And now, your better then before.
