Real Feelings

Chapter 8

We kept talking cuddling to each other as random program were playing on Tv, we couldn't care less about what was on. As long as we had fun together, as long as we love each other. At something close to 2 A.M Zacky let out a big and long yawn that I caught and did the same. "I think it's time to sleep" He said in a tired but sexy voice. "Yeah come, we got a spear bedroom" I told him as I guide him to his spear room. He took his bag of clothes and put it on the floor at the end of his bed. Then it became awkward. We were there, standing in front of each other and we didn't know what to do. "Humm, good night Zacky" I told him as I give him a tight hug and a chaste kiss on his soft lips. "yeah, hum. Good night Mary. If you're scared of something you can come. Trust me I won't try anything" He said on a sincere tone. "I know Zacky" I told him before going up to my room. 

I trusted him. But the fright was just stopping me every time. The fear that he would changed, that's why I didn't want to give me all to him. Even thought he is sexy as fuck and that my inner parts only want him there I resisted the urge to get his pants down to his ankles. It was torture but it was better of this way. And he may say what ever he wants but I know a thing about myself, my body is not as beautiful that it seem.

I enter in my bed room and close the door behind me. Close the curtains of my balcony and got into bed under my big red covers. If there was a place in this world that I didn't feel secure about would have to be my own sleep. Because I always dream about bad memorize and imagine things that could be even worst. I took a deep breath and taught about the sweet things that Zacky told me from earlier. That he loved me, that he would never do such horrible things to me. I taught about what we talked about, how much he liked baseball and playing guitar. How much he wanted to create a band with his best friends so they can roll the world. And then I slowly into sleep.

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dream

*It's dark, I think I'm in my old room. No, it's my new one. The door slowly opens as I hear the high grinding of the door. I sat upright in my bed, ready to run for my life from the beast that is standing behind my door. The frame of a guy was standing there, my ex? "No please Zacky help me!" I tried to scream but no sound came from my mouth. I was on shock and so scared, sweat was pearling on my forehead. "You're looking for me Mary?" The boy said in a evil voice, I didn't even recognized it. The figure step forward and the face finally came to light, it was Zacky! How could he scared me like that? He knew I hated horror movies and it seem like I was playing in one of them! He step on my bed with an evil look, not even sexy just a mean and hurtful look and he started to ripped off my clothes and cut my skin slowly.*

I open my eyes wide. I wanted to scream but it wouldn't come out like in my dream. Or you can say nightmare. My breath was fast and short. It was not the first time that I would woke up breathless and sweaty but it have been the worst night of my entire life since I moved on. I got up and got in my direct bathroom. I even had difficulty to walk, I tried to take a bottle of water but my hand was shaking too much and I drop it. It break in tinny pieces. Shit. I don't what time it was but I hope that I didn't woke Zacky up. I bend down to take the pieces in the trash but all I would do was cutting myself. "ouch! Shit!" I hissed in silence. I heard unsure footsteps coming to my room. Zacky knock on my bedroom door, "Mary, are you okay?" He ask in a whisper. "Yeah Zacky go back to bed" I told him trying to convince myself that everything was okay.  "Mary let me in I hear something broke, maybe I can help" Zacky wouldn't leave, he instantly knew that something was wrong, he just didn't know how bad I was feeling. "No Zacky! Go back to bed!" I yell at him and I regretted to have scream at him like that. I wanted to cut myself with the sharp broken glass, but I restraint myself to do it. He open the door and I heard him coming in to the bathroom. He took a look at me and saw my bloody left hand. "Shit, wait I'll come back. Just sit on the sink not to cut your feet" He said as he got away to look for the broom. I jump on my big white sink, that looked more like a counter. Zacky came back running to the bathroom and cleaned up the mess I made. He came to me hand took a look at my hand to he found the disinfectant liquid and a bandage that he gently wrap my hand in. He took my face in his hands and clean my face with a wet, refreshing towel. I didn't even realized that I had been crying for the owl time my tears had roll down from my cheeks and I didn't even noticed it. He lock his green eyes in mine, he knew that something was wrong with me. Maybe he was about to leave me, maybe I was too complicated for him. "I'm not like him Mary. I love you" Zacky said. I couldn't believed that he still loved after all the mess I have in my head. At least there was something clear in my head, I love Zacky. 

I dive in his warm and comforting embrace. I've missed it so much, even thought that we've only been apart for maybe 5 hours. He put a secure kiss on my temple, "If you don't want to talk about it it's okay but you'll have to tell me tomorrow. For now take a shower and you can come sleep with me. I can take the couch if you want the guest room." He suggest. I nodded and look into his green eyes, "I love you Zacky" I said really sincere. He is so true and gentle with me. How could my mind think that he can turn into a monster? I got on the top of my toes and put a gentle kiss on his lips. After that he left the bathroom so I can take my shower. I took it quickly. My body was tired, but I didn't want to sleep and have another nightmare. I couldn't take those anymore. At some point I will need pils to sleep if this shit doesn't stop. As the water was dripping on my hot skin I made a decision. I will listen to my heart. Fuck my dump mind! You are going nuts brain! 

I got out of the shower and put other sleeping pants on with a big Metallica t-shirt. What am I going to do? Sleep with Zacky or keep sleeping alone. I listen to my heart, he was yelling to go with Zacky because I would feel more secure and I trust him. He wouldn't hurt me. 

I exited my bathroom and arrived in front of Zacky's door. I opened it slowly and saw that he was reading some random books that were in the room. He had glasses on, making him look even more sexy. My ovaries were screaming to fuck him but I wasn't ready for that. Not yet. He took his glasses off and close the book. "If you want the bedroom it's okay.." I cut him off, "I want to sleep with you, if it's okay for you" I told him feeling really shy. He looked surprise but put a reassuring smile on his face. "Yeah come" He said as he push himself on the side and push the cover so I can enter. Zacky had sleeping pants and a t-shirt too. Thank God because if he didn't had a t-shirt I would of die from wanting him so bad. I decided to sleep face to face with him. I wanted to heard him breathe, I wanted to feel his chest pounding up and down as he peacefully sleeps. I put my head on the pillow as he did the same, our eyes were drowning in each others with pure love. "Do you want to talk about it?" Zacky ask in a whisper, the only light came from the moonlight. He softly touch my face with the tip of his finger still keeping his eyes on me. I took a deep breath and told him everything. At the end a tear almost drop but he put a secure kiss on my lips. "It's nowhere near real! I don't that voice and second, I suck at scaring people! Jimmy is good at it, he always scared the living shit out of me!" He exclaim trying to make me laugh. I had a smile, that was a good beginning. "Come here baby" He said and pulled me in his arms. I let a sigh go. This was officially the best place in the world. Zacky's arms. I cuddle up close to him and I felt his arms embracing my owl body for comfort. "Just remember that I always love you okay?" He said putting a kiss on the top of my wet hair. "I love you so much Zacky! You can't even understand" I told him and put a kiss under his jaw, since it was the only place I could reach. I pulled his head down and we kissed slowly before falling asleep in each others arms.