welcome to my brain

12:40am

blood
dripping down my thighs
and my lips
as the blade stings
numbing
healing
helping

ive fallen back into this cycle
without you by my side
does it even matter anymore?
im not suicidal or anything.
im just a shell without you.
we both know that nothing
is about to change
and that you'll choose him
so why did i even bring this up?
why did i even get my hopes up
that you cared enough to make it right?
fuck.
i need to find some stain remover
for your hoodie.
sorry for taking it in the first place.
i was just messing around.
whatever.
don't take this to heart
i just can't say it to your face
without sounding manipulative
im just so hurt
and i dont know how else
to explain it besides saying
you are the sun
and i am the earth.
without you i am a cold
lifeless
rock
but with you
i can prosper

fuck.
im sorry.