thoughts of a dead girl

druggie

"don't do drugs" "drugs aren't gonna do anything for you" that's to bad and to late drugs can make me happy and forget all about you and quite frankly that's exactly what i need,a break yeah weed helps a lot but the other drugs make me happier and put me to sleep each pill is a step closer to death and when i die i can stop thinking of you and everything will just go away i would either be in heaven or hell but hopefully i go to heaven i mean who doesn't wanna go to heaven right? i wish you knew how i felt i wish you can teach me how to be like you and not give a fuck about anyone else but yourself apart of me wants to kill you but i'm not like you i actually give a fuck about how your family would feel and its obvious that you've moved on to something else but it is what it is if i could change it i would but sadly i can't you want her and i can never be her i was her now im sitting in the middle of the street in the dark hoping i get ran over and hoping none of my friends will miss me or my family especially ariel and demetrius(sister and brother) i love them to much for them to be hurt over me but if i were to commit suicide i wouldn't let them know i would just hope they would be there for me and be able to tell me they know somethings wrong with me those are the only two who understand me on a personal level some of you reading this damn book might not know me but hey it is what it is i guess but some might call me stupid because it's "over a boy" it kinda is but there's other things going wrong in my life SOME of my closest friends left me and turned on me and told my darkest secrets and they told everyone i now have trust issues,my grandmother(s) died my biological father regrets me and hates the fact that i was even born but i understand why now and i feel like i hate the fact that i was born to i have a number of friends that make me happy i try to check up on them every chance i can but it's hard to talk to everyone when you have all these fucked up thoughts in your head i usually stay quiet about how i really feel and lie and say i'm fine knowing that im far from it the reason i do this is because i don't want to bring anyone else down just because of me that to me isn't fair why should anyone else feel bad for me when they can live a happy wholesome life?  without me being the anchor to there ship stopping them? so i just don't open up but if your reading this i guess i kind opened up to you? this is probably the longest page in this book so far but it "probably" won't be the last pop pills till i spread my wings and fly away i'll be BxbyD the druggie