Imperfectly perfect

Chapter 8

An hour later, we ordered Chinese while we sat on her bed and watched orange is the new black. Her room was painted in black and white. The black wall was textured. Loosely draped lighting hung over her bed. Everything in her room screamed her name. It was amazing how she captured herself through every room. Every decor.

She turned down the volume to the tv and asked, what's your relationship with your parents like? You briefly talk about them but never in detail like I do.

" Well, in the beginning, things were rocky. New country. New faces. It was hard, you know? My sister and I would always try to do everything. Clean. Help out with the things my mom and my dad were too tired to do. The emotions that came from leaving everything behind, we couldn't allow ourselves to stress her or cry." I said, as I took a sip of my lemonade. " My Dad was the positive thinker. If it wasn't for him, we'd all probably would have lost ourselves a long time ago."

What made you want to me out? I know it's not like you moved to a different country or city but, with a family as close as yours, was it hard?

I nodded my head, sighing. " It was more harder leaving my sister. We were inseparable. I know I can drive there anytime I want too. They're only a few minutes away but, I want them to be proud of me. They were worried that my anxiety would be too much and although that times, it is, I want to feel the satisfaction that I did this on my own." She looked at me, her lips curved in a smile. " But enough about me, what about you? Do you think that your dad will ever come around?"

I watched as her smile faded as she shook her head. I've thought about what it would be like if things had went differently. I've done a lot of reflecting since I've been here and honestly, I think me being who I am wasn't the issue because, I know there are parents who'd disown or put their kids out for being gay, transgender or whatever anyone identifies as. When it comes to my father, I know it goes way deeper and I wish he'd just talk to me about it. She said as she put her plate on her nightstand, leaning against her bed frame.

Parents want to protect their kids. They want to be there for them and help them. I can't help but feel like, maybe her dad is scared of what'll happen to his little girl. Everyday, the world becomes a scarier and scarier place. It's as if we're living in the sixties when we see or hear what's happening to people of color. The lgbt community being torn by devastations. Countries getting bombed. No parent wants to receive a message from their child only to find out it was the last one they'll ever get.

People like Lauren aren't ashamed. They're not afraid but, maybe the fear that she doesn't have, her dad has taken it and threw it on to himself. Thinking about it, I can only understand if that was the case.

I've thought about, maybe it was the nerves of watching his children grow up. Maybe it was his oldest was leaving the best and thinking that, she wasn't a little girl anymore. Or maybe it was simply the fact that this was who my father really is and I hadn't notice or seen it until now.

" You still love him." I looked over at her half smiling. " All of the conversations we've had, the love for your father has always been there because no matter how bad he's treated you, it's hard for you to hate him. No matter how many times you've told and tried to convince yourself, you still love him regardless."

It was painful to see her like this. All I could do was embrace her and let the torrent of her tears to soak through my shirt. I could feel her clench her fists, not knowing whether to be mad or to give up hope all together. I ran my fingers through her hair, time and time again, in an attempt to calm the silent war within her mind.

" I know you're hurting Lauren. I know this hurts. Waiting for something that probably won't happen any time soon, maybe you should go to him." It broke me how each day that goes by, is a day this girl goes without a father or a day that sinks her further into a dark hole but wouldn't reveal it. " You shouldn't hurt like this."

Ww...why doesn't he love me Camila? As she pronounced those words, my heart sunk into my stomach. I felt my eyes begin to get watery but I held them back. You're right. I do still love my father and I fucking hate that I do. So, so much. I never asked for this. I never asked to be here nor did I ask to be treated this way. All I ask is to be understood.

" And you will be, Lauren. Maybe it won't be today but I promise, you will be understood." I wiped the tear stains on her cheeks, smiling. " I understand you."

We laid on her bed, continuing watching orange is the new black. Although, I knew her mind wasn't there but rather focused on something else. My phone vibrated which had to be Dinah who's outside. We grabbed our plates and walked downstairs to wear I grabbed my leather jacket, standing by the door.

Wait. She said as she ran into the kitchen, putting the plates into the sink. I slipped on my flats patiently waiting. She walked holding the large stuffed bear. Here.

" You're giving this to me? Why?"

She sat it down, half smiling. Ever since I got here, you've been the most nicest person to me. It didn't take me long to unveil myself to you but, I don't regret it either. I took the bear out of her hands, confused but nervous. Why? She slowly walked over to me, my heart racing. Thank you. Not just for today but allowing to me to break in front of you. Not many people have seen my cry especially after knowing each other for a few weeks.

" Lauren you don't-" And before I could finish my sentence, her lips were pressed against mine. The scent of her perfume flooded my senses. Unexpectedly, her hand drifted to my hip. It settled there as she pulled me in closer. I inhaled sharply. Slowly pulling away as a honk startled us.

Have a good night, Camila. She smiled as she opened the front. I waved goodbye, my mind all over the place. "What just happened" I thought to myself.

Inside Dinah's car, it was hard to avoid her questions. The numerous questions she had and I didn't know the answer too. I looked over at her and said, " she kissed me."

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