Imperfectly perfect

Chapter 29

It's been two years so I hope this chapter does justice❤️

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It's been a week and nothing between Dinah and I seemed to be any different. When we were kids, I'd often be over at her house. It was a place to hide and she knew it, but not once was I ever made to feel unwelcome or hurried out the door. It was a safe haven when the storm invaded my own home, my own space. School was hell every day and home just rocked back and forth between comfort and different. When the pressure of my day is inside me, not like a tangled knot but like a ticking bomb, I need to let it explode somewhere safe. I need to go somewhere it can't do lasting damage - and that's why I have Dinah. That's why we have each other.

Twilight melted away, majestic sunrise, red orange glow seeping over the horizon as if the light itself was being poured from a molten sun. Powerful rays flood over the bedroom, her golden skin radiating.

"Have you been watching me sleep?" She said lazily, rubbing her eyes.

" It's not my fault that you looked beautiful under the sunlight."

She rolled her eyes and in seconds her body is moulded to my own, sharing her body heat as easily as she shares everything I could offer. I once thought that I could never let another close to me like this, but everything changed so rapidly. I never known a person to always have the right motivations, even when she's wrong. There's a purity to her, naivety perhaps, but she's the only flower in the meadow for my eyes.

" You kept tossing and turning last night. What was on your mind?"

" How fast things change." I said, playing with the top of her fingers. " isn't crazy how we can look back years ago and realize how much everything has changed? The amount of people that have left our lives. Entered, stayed. The memories you won't forget but the ones you wish you did. It's crazy that I'm not longer Camila the shy, dorky girl that no one paid attention too. Instead, I'm Camila the new upcoming artist. Awards on top of my dresser. Attending award shows I used to watch with my sister and parents. I met a stranger I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. A stranger that became someone who meant a lot to me. Someone that gave me hope and so much to look forward too."

The silence caressed her skin like a cool summer breeze, smoothing her soul, taking away her jagged edges. I moved away, leaning against the headboard.

" Try not to think of the leaving part, because our lives and loves are circles and spirals rolled into one glorious mess. Some people come into our lives for a reason, others for a season. It's hard knowing which ones which but that's life Mila. It's hard for me to say this but if you want closure, she's only an hour away. If your heart is stuck because you're going back and forth between holding on and letting go, the only way you'll know is to sit down with the person who broke you. Forget about that day at your concert. If you want to move on Camila, start by closing that one chapter of your life that's preventing you from appreciating and welcoming the new ones."

" As horrible as this may sound, I want her to hurt a little bit longer. The hurt is a spider web, intricate yet strong. I know that in time it will pass and the sun will regain its warmth, but the joy from my heart is gone."

She squeezed my hand tightly, softly caressing my thumb. My thoughts trundled through my brain like a train with intention of stopping. As I glanced over at her, guilt came over me. Haunted me. After all this time, it still cuts just as deep. Ever since Dinah and I kissed at my concert, I believed she was my ticket into moving on. I believed I was finally a step closer to forgetting about Lauren but, it's become clear to me that, it was all a lie. No matter how many days or hours Dinah and I spend together, it doesn't feel right. I should feel free. I should feel happy but, when I'm left alone with my thoughts, this feeling in the pit of my stomach becomes unbearable. As I watched her walk out of the room, her hair swaying with every movement, I bit my tongue, finally began understanding why. Trying to hold back the tears that threatened to leave my eyes, one small crystal bead escapes. I can feel it's warmth, sliding down my cheek, and rolling off my chin. Then another. And another. Until my eyes flood with them, coming like a rainfall. Sniffling every ten seconds, they fall, and fall, and I let them. She knew I could never love her the way I loved Lauren. She knew I could never give myself to her and be the girlfriend she wants me to be. At least not like before.