Imperfectly perfect

Chapter 23

I woke up this morning with a throbbing head. The pain felt like someone had taken a knife to my skull. I laid my head on the pillow, holding back the tears I refuse to shed. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed the pain to go away. The rest of the world became detached, all I could concentrate on was the pain rooted deep in my head and last night. My body aches. My voice sounded like I smoked twenty packs of cigarettes. "What did I do to deserve this." I asked myself. One night, one special night of bliss after weeks of coming home to an empty house, sleeping and waking up alone... gone. One night of togetherness only to be alone once more.

She was so sweet, so romantic. Every word that escaped her lips, sent chills and made the butterflies erupt in my stomach. All it took was one phone call to end what we had. Why? Why was that call more important than our anniversary?

I watched as she walked in, setting a tray of pancakes, eggs, bacon an orange juice next to me. I slowly sat up, leaning against her bed frame. She sat next to me, half smiling.

You know it pains me to see you like this right? She handed me a glass of orange juice and I brought it up my lips, wincing as I swallowed the cold liquid. What happened last night? Did she tell you anything?

I shook my head negatively. " Everything was perfect. I wasn't expecting to wake up to breakfast, balloons. A necklace. We spent the day at the beach, went to dinner. There was no rush that she had to leave." My throat ached with every word I spoke. " The minute her phone buzzed... the night was over. No explanation. I drove off not knowing exactly where to go. Our home doesn't feel like a home. So, I parked my car in front of your house and walked around your block. Twice."

Why didn't you call me? We could of walked in the rain together? I looked at her knowing she was serious. I let out a soft chuckle, taking a bite of a slice of bacon. Do think there's someone else? I know you love her Mila, I do but if it was just business, you wouldn't be here. You'd be at home with your girlfriend. Spending the morning with her before she left for work. You two got to spend the day together right? Which means whatever meetings or plans she had, they were cancelled or put off. What was-

" I hear you Dinah but... that's the last place I want my mind to go. That's the last thing I want to think about because it'll fuck me up even more." I haven't felt unloved by Lauren. She still holds me. Kisses me. Makes love to me. Nothing has changed. I'm proud of her and her career and I don't want to think that there could be someone else. We love each other. Our love will last forever... won't it? " Her schedule changes and I-"

No. No, Camila. You can't put everything on yourself. You can't always be the one to fix everything. The tears I've held back, slid down my cheek. If there's one thing I couldn't handle was having her mad at me. We argue and have our own problems like any other best friends do but... she's the only one person in this entire world I can't handle when she yells at me. Look, I love you and I'll always love you. Busy schedule or not, she has to realize that somethings wrong. One good day doesn't make up for all of the days you've spent crying into your pillow or feel neglected or unwanted.

She was right and I hate that she was. " Are you mad that I got hurt again?"

Silence. I ate the rest of the breakfast that she prepared, as I watched her dig through her closet, throwing a red and white stripped dress on her bed. I stared at her, angry at myself that I broke her promise. Everything hard and ugly in a relationship, I wanted to go through it with Lauren. I wanted her to be the person I'm mad at because she's the only one I want to kiss afterwards. I new wed have some bumps along the way but I was ready for us to go through them.

Finish up and I'll run you a bath. And with that, she was out of the room.

When I was done, I got out of the pj's I leave at her house and wrapped a towel around me. I walked into the bathroom, smiling. Vanilla scented candles lit on the edges. I slide down into the water, letting it block out the sounds around me. I wish the tub would expand so I could go swimming, like I used to on hot summer Sundays in the woods with my father. Those days were a special treat. I rested my head back, sinking in deeper. I was relaxed. Calm. The aching of my body diminished.

After an hour of getting dress, taking two Advil's, we decided to get some frozen yogurt and visit my parents. I stared out the window, sun hitting my face, wind blowing through my hair. This was everything and more.

I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself that I wasn't there to protect you. I want you to be happy and when I saw that smile of yours, I took a step back because I thought you were in good hands. You had someone who genuinely loved you and we all saw it when you had us all over for Lauren's surprise party. The love you have for her... it's like no other. But, last night when I saw you standing in front of my door, soaking wet... it takes a lot for someone to be that hurt or that broken. That's the Camila I hadn't seen in so long and I was angry at the person who brought you back there.

I bent my head down, playing with the split of the dress. " I don't know how many more ways I can say that I was proud of her. I was proud of what's she's accomplished and I wanted to celebrate and show that to her. Being in a relationship, it's a team effort. When she comes home, the happiness I felt hours before slowly goes away. Why? Because it's not about us anymore. It's about her. I still haven't told her I've been promoted. My manger left and I wasn't expecting she'd offer me to take her place. I'm a manager Dinah. Do you know how excited I felt? When I tried telling her... it didn't compare to her interviews or her going to different cities. What am I supposed to do?"

Do you wish she hadn't became an author?

I looked over at her ad she pulled up into my parents driveway. We got out, walked hand in hand into the backyard where my mom was gardening, sofi and her friends in the pool and my dad at the grill barbecuing. When their eyes met ours, we waved and everything faded.

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Just a heads up, the next 2 chapters won't be happy but I promise the rest will be... kind of... maybe...